Letter from the Editor
by Pastor Yung Kim
Dear Reader,
Do you remember the last time you experienced something really good? Maybe it was a restaurant or a trip or a party. When we experience something really good, we often go and tell someone else about it… maybe our family, our friends, and sometimes we even feel compelled to tell complete strangers! It’s a very natural instinct for us to want to tell others whenever we experience something truly amazing.
Around the year 31 A.D. there was a man who suffered from many serious afflictions, and due to those, he also suffered the social isolation that often accompanies affliction, and he was driven from his home. Deeply suffering and alone, he then encountered someone who, despite these disturbing afflictions, met this man where he was at, with compassion and interest. And they talked. And then he healed him! This man who healed him, and perhaps more importantly stopped to talk with him while others avoided him, was a man named Jesus, son of Mary and Joseph, born in Bethlehem, the prophesied Messiah.
After being healed of his afflictions that had tortured him for a very long time, the next thing that this man wanted to do was to follow the one who had paused to talk with him and healed him.
But Jesus Christ said to him, “Return to your home, and tell them how much God has done for you”.
And so the man went home. And he proclaimed to others how much Jesus Christ had done for him.
This booklet is a collection of stories from normal everyday people who are also experiencing afflictions of various kinds, physical, emotional, psychological, much like that afflicted man, who then had an encounter with Jesus Christ and were lifted up in some way by the presence and by the activity of God in their lives.
And these stories are not shared from a spirit of boast, but rather from a spirit of humility, gratitude, and with a nod to our fellow sufferers. Thus to everyone reading this book, I as the editor would like to share this with you from my own heart:
Sometimes I find myself in a valley. But I’ve found that God sits with me in those valleys… and his name is Jesus. You can meet Him and you can see for yourself, and let’s all be lifted up together.
I thank everyone who shared their story for this booklet and responded to Jesus’ call to “go and tell how much God has done for you”. Your faith is sincerely appreciated and honored.
So please, sit back and enjoy the stories of these personal encounters with Jesus Christ, the Messiah.
With love,
Pastor Yung J. Kim
Transformed Through Discipleship
by Amy Hernandez
Three years ago, a new season in my relationship with Jesus began as I started an intensive discipleship training called Life on Life Missional Discipleship Training. It is now the 3rd and final year of this training which is bittersweet--I am sad it is coming to an end, but I am so thankful to the Lord for the way He worked in all of our hearts to renew and transform us together. My LOLMD leader Gina said the difference in me is like night and day from when I first joined to where I am now. I can't go into all the specific ways the ladies in my group encouraged and sharpened me with their testimonies, reflections, and prayers, but I can see how the Lord handpicked us each year, ladies of all circumstances and backgrounds, to show us how He is Lord, King, Savior, Father, and Friend over all. I became more aware of the Holy Spirit’s working more than ever before.
I was reminded often that the Lord knows and cares about every cell in our body and every soul on this earth. I also saw how the Lord weaved our lives together in this kingdom tapestry and how we are never meant to go through life alone.
My first year was a red year, and that reminds me of pain and Jesus’ blood I came in feeling broken in spirit, for myself and for people around me. There were some days I could barely get out of bed. Life had at that time changed in such a way that I doubted if I could ever again be effective for the kingdom. And the Lord put sisters in my life who carried me like the paralytic man's friends to see Jesus and with whom I could share my own testimony of faith in a far deeper way than I had before. God's hand in our lives became abundantly clear. By the end of that first year, I was sharing the gospel again, shedding resentment and despair, moving through my grief, and feeling more alive in Christ again. Time alone doesn’t heal all wounds. We need people, and we need Jesus.
The second year was the blue year, and that reminds me of water and peace. There was a lady whom we prayed for who had gotten into witchcraft and psychics at the time, and I shared my faith with her. The Lord used my trials, which were similar to hers, to help me connect with and encourage her. Some of what I shared came directly from our Journey Group lessons, the church sermons, and personal worship. God’s timing is always perfect. She gave her life to Jesus and has turned from her old life.
We also had new Revive church members in my second and third years, and it was a season for me to go from mourning to joy, and to learn to step up in proclaiming His truth and His power in my life.
This last year, was a green year, and that reminds me of life and growth. I’ve begun to get further out of my comfort zone and reach out to neighbors and other acquaintances and really get to know them and hopefully help them know Jesus. I do more prayer walks, pursue my husband and children more, and am more intentional about prayer and personal worship time. This was primarily due to the encouragement and prayers from my Journey group and what I learned from the Journey materials.
I want to express my deepest gratitude to Rebeka, Anna, Judy, Jasmine, Ashley, and especially my leader of three years Gina for the many ways they inspired, loved, taught, prayed for, and even carried me as we journeyed together. Praise God for the blessing of the life-on-life missional discipleship group, also known as our Journey Group. It certainly lived up to its name! A friend loves at all times and a brother or sister is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17
Healed by His Love
by Anna Park
When I surrendered my life to Jesus at the age of 25, I fell for my Lord and Savior hard. My time with Him as a single born again Christian was especially sweet and radically transformative. This precious period when it was just my Heavenly Father and me, was short-lived, as I began dating Daniel a couple of years thereafter. I always thought those brief years were when my spiritual life peaked. How I underestimated the steadfast and fierce love of my faithful Father, that would make me fall deeper and deeper in love with Him over the years.
Despite His all consuming love, there were still parts of my past that constantly created disturbance and division in my relationships, and in my day to day life. When I got married to Daniel and we started having kids, these beautiful blessings and the new responsibilities of raising a family only made it more painfully obvious how much I needed to heal from my past. I spent the better part of my days not feeling like my family was my own; I saw myself as an outsider looking at someone else’s life. I could not be fully present as a wife and a mother, I was disassociated, I feared abandonment, I was in constant fight or flight, my broken parts seemed insurmountable.
It was during covid that I thought I had finally found respite from the constant reminders that I was messed up and needed help. I had started a weekly Bible study with some of the kids in my neighborhood, I was deepening my relationships with their moms, Daniel and I began doing a weekly Bible study with our neighbors Danny & Martha, led by my brother Yung. I was in awe of what God was doing with my simple obedience. I felt solid with God. I remember thinking, I found the loophole to healing from my past! I just need to continue focusing all my attention on others, and God will take care of everything else. I don’t know how, but yeah He’ll figure it out.
And yes, He did figure it out. He did so by creating the opportunities to do all of the above, allowing me to come along for the wild ride, to be blessed and amazed by His works. Yet at the end of it, He told me, “My precious child, of course I rejoice over your desire to glorify me and your heart for the lost, but this does not mean you are magically fixed. You are still deeply haunted by your past, and I love you too much to let you live the rest of your life like this. I want to heal you, I want to redeem your most painful memories, because this is not the life you are meant to live.”
It was the summer of 2021, that I realized my condition was much worse than I had even previously thought. My sin and the trauma had become so enmeshed, and together they came to head that year. The way in which they expressed themselves shook me to the core. That is when I realized the extent of the damage that sin and trauma had done on my life, when left unchecked. I did not take kindly to this discovery that I had not in fact found the magic loophole to avoid confronting my wounds. Along with the shame that I felt when coming face to face with the wickedness in my heart, I found myself being very, very angry at God. I was enraged that not only had I had to endure all the traumatic events of my youth, but now I had to do the grueling work of facing them again? And why should I? I spiraled into severe depression, stopped speaking to God, gave myself over to my sin, distracted myself from my misery with various worldly remedies, all because I refused to face my past.
Still, He did not abandon me and not for a moment did He leave my side. During a time when I hid even from Daniel, God sent my dearest friend Jenny Lee to minister to me. She checked in on me, we would go on walks together, we would have a meal whenever we could steal away from our families. Not once did she judge me for giving God the silent treatment. Not once did she shame me for the decisions I was making while spiraling. She knew I did more than enough of that on my own. She knew that in that moment, what I needed most was grace. Jenny’s friendship was a testament of God’s patient and forbearing love. Did I deserve it? Absolutely not. Did I need it? Unequivocally, as she was my channel to God when I was not willing to face him on my own. Who knows how much longer it would have taken for me to return to Him, had it not been for my dear friend’s abiding friendship when I was at my lowest.
The gentle care of my friend softened my hardened heart, enough so that I was willing to start talking to God again. Every now and again a question would come to mind, a puzzle piece that I would struggle with in order to make peace with a part of my past. To my amazement, He answered every last question and doubt in my mind with answers only a perfect and good God could provide. Although I had long forgiven the people who had caused me suffering, I still held onto resentments. One such resentment was how I have always grieved the “Anna” that was lost. The version of me without the scars and the dysfunctional character traits. I would often wonder who I was meant to be, had it not been for the damage others had done to me. I longed for the “Anna” that was whole and free. Until my loving Father helped me to realize that the other “Anna” was in fact a lie.
There was never any version of me that was born whole and free. The truth was, I was born dead in my sin. My sin was not born out of my trauma and the trauma is not what killed me. I was already dead. When God revealed this to me, I was finally able to let go of this idealized version of myself that never existed to begin with. And just like that, He settled each and every last resentment. Having just celebrated my 40th birthday, it brought me much needed clarity. I did not want to spend the next 40 years like this. I had had enough.
I had had enough of my past stealing from my present and my future. My past was robbing me of these precious years with my young children and a loving husband. Soon they would be older and I would be older. Who knows where my relationships with each of them might end up if I continued on being enslaved to my sin and trauma. So I finally began therapy. Truly by God’s provision, I was led to an amazing Christian therapist, whom God used to help me heal, one scar at a time.
I grew up with the mentality of you don’t talk about your problems, you stuff everything down, you pretend everything is okay, and you definitely don’t feel sorry for yourself. Not understanding how a person can be so affected by adversity, my father would say, “You have a wonderful husband, beautiful and healthy children, what are you depressed about?”
But my eternal Father said, “My child, I am sorry for everything you have been through. Do not think for a single moment that your past hurts did not matter to me. Do you know? All those years ago when you were a child, I was there with you. I felt your fear, I was enraged by every last wrongdoing done to you, I grieved from the pain that was inflicted onto you. I was there all those years, not for a single moment did I leave your side.”
I have every confidence that my Abba Father was right there with me all those years. I have every confidence that my Abba Father held and knew every single tear that I cried. I have every confidence my Abba Father suffered along with me, because of the husband that He gave me. Because He gave me a husband who loves me in all the ways I longed to be loved as a child.
For as long as I can remember, Daniel has maintained this habit throughout the better part of our marriage. If he ever needs to go out of my sight for more than five minutes, he will let me know. If he has to do some work in the backyard, he lets me know. If he needs to take care of something in the garage, he lets me know. If he takes our dog Pepe on a walk, he lets me know. I never asked him to do this, never gave it more than half a thought, and quite honestly there have been times when I would get annoyed with his constant reporting. But it never occurred to me why he did this until just recently. To confirm my suspicions, I went to him and said, “Honey, I just realized you always tell me where you are. Thank you for doing that.”
“I even tell you when I go poo,” he responded.
Laughing I said, “Yes, thank you for telling me even when you have to go poo. Why do you do it though? Why do you always tell me where you’re going?”
“Because I don’t want you to be scared,” he replied.
Again, I have never asked him to do this. He does not do it to enable my insecurities. He simply does it because he knows my past, and decided long ago to love me in this quiet and steadfast way. This is just one small but shining example of how this man that God has chosen to be my husband, loves me. And I know, all the hundreds of ways that Daniel loves me, is a mere reflection of the way that God has loved me all these years. He repaid my distance by pursuing me. He repaid my anger with gentleness. He repaid my defiance with patience. He repaid my sinfulness with forgiveness. His love has changed my life in countless ways.
“You seem more present,” Christy - my sister-in-law - observed at one of our family functions. She had asked me how therapy was going, and I was telling her how critical it was in my healing journey. I was taken aback when she said that, because I had not realized my disassociation was bad enough for others to be able to take notice. But she was absolutely right. Disassociation had been a survival skill that I used to protect myself from the abuse I suffered growing up. Unfortunately there was no switch that I could flip to turn this mode off even though there was no present threat. Although I had my own home, with my own family, and I was in a safe place, my mind continued to think it needed to protect itself, me. Everyday I would have a breaking point, where I could no longer engage with my family. I would shut down by putting on my headphones to listen to music and drown out the world, I would shut myself in my room, I became dependent on alcohol to numb myself, desperate to escape my mind.
All glory and praise be to my God who redeemed even the most painful atrocities, while also convicting me of my sin with the utmost gentleness. Today I no longer need to disengage just to get through a day. I no longer rely on toxic vices to cope with daily challenges. I am able to be fully present with my family. I am able to be an attentive mother and truly enjoy my children as the precious gifts that they are. Life is not perfect, there will always be struggles, but all I need is His love to see me through.
Sure, the honeymoon phase of when I first fell for Jesus was oh so sweet. But to experience His steadfast and self-sacrificing love again and again and again throughout a lifetime is just as riveting and captivating. To not only experience the shock of His love, but to experience the depth and expanse of His love has brought me to my knees over and over. He takes my breath away with testimony after testimony of His perfect love and what He has done in my life. Oh my Abba Father, you have been so, so good to me. I cried to you, and you came and fought for me. Everything that was meant to harm me and separate me from you, has only refined and strengthened me, and drawn me closer to you. I will live to serve you, with this life you have restored to me.
Trust and Sacrifice
by Christy Kim
On March 6, it was a rainy stormy day in Santa Barbara. Kayla was walking to class with a friend of hers. As she walked in the rain, she slipped and fell, bending her left leg in the hurdle position and her body landed on her folded leg. She called to tell me she was in so much pain her knee was swollen beyond recognition and she was having difficulty sleeping. We told her to head to urgent care as soon as possible.
She arrived to only be turned away due to the lapse in her medical coverage. She limped back to her dorm and we had to figure out what to do. In my desperation, I contacted her previous orthopedic surgeon. She had had three previous knee surgeries on the same leg. Dr. Chan, the surgeon, told me she needed to be seen right away and needed urgent attention. But we had a small issue with insurance. We could not see him until the medical coverage was squared away.
I could not sleep knowing Kayla was in so much pain hundreds of miles away. I began to have catastrophic thoughts about her becoming crippled, not being able to run and play again, let alone with her children. My heart was searing with pain as I began to mourn the loss Kayla might be experiencing. Once an award winning soccer player, scoring 27 goals and assisting 11 in one season, now hobbling around on crutches with unbearable pain in her knee. My heart was wrenching with aching pain.
I was wrestling with God. I was asking God what to do. Should we just go ahead with the surgery, the surgeon did say time was of the essence. I started praying about her impending surgery and fighting with God. I was so frustrated with Him for having Kayla go through this again. I knew the surgery would be long and painful. I had seen her go through it three previous times. Women have said this surgery is more painful than childbirth.
After the surgery, she will not be able to bend her knee for the first week and she will struggle to go to the bathroom even with my help. She would be on crutches, painful crutches and a knee brace at all times for the first couple months. And then go through 9-12 months of grueling rehabilitation work. The agony of this surgery and recovery! What I would do to keep our children from experiencing pain! What can I do Lord to help Kayla?! My heart was in so much pain.
At this time we were having issues with the insurance too. One place was saying they would cut our benefits and to go to another provider and that provider was saying they couldn’t provide services for us unless the other company did the paperwork. We were in a limbo. And I could not sleep a wink. Our baby girl could end up crippled if she did not get this surgery and rehab on time. What could we do? What can we… I began to argue and wrestle with the Lord. I began to plead with him and dictate how I felt He should handle Kayla’s surgery.
On March 23, at the LOLMD leaders meeting we began to pray. And I began to cry and wrestle with the Lord. I was telling my Abba Father how He needed to figure things out for Kayla, the surgery, the medical coverage, and the year long PT. He needed to take care of this. He HAD to take care of this.
Then I heard His voice, “Do you trust me?”
I said “Yes I do, but…”
He said, “Do you trust that I love Kayla”
I said “Yes, but…” I paused.
I felt like He was saying to me, “I love her more than you. Do you trust me with her?”
This was the Saturday before Resurrection Sunday.
God was challenging me, “Would you be able to sacrifice Kayla’s leg for someone else?”
I shook my head. “I would do anything for her to NOT be sacrificed, let alone for someone else.”
God told my heart, “I love Kayla more than you. My Son sacrificed his life for you, He sacrificed his life for Kayla…even when we were enemies.”
Those words of truth cut to my heart…I began to cry and sob, “Yes Lord, I will trust you, I will trust you love Kayla more than I do.”
That Resurrection Sunday, the sacrifice of the cross hit me differently. I had known God sent His Son to die on the cross for our salvation. This Easter, I sensed the agony God must have felt when He saw his Son sacrificing Himself on the cross. I knew the pain and agony Kayla would be going through and I wanted to help her out of it. God in His infinite wisdom knew the pain of the cross and yet HE still allowed it for us. I still cannot understand it, I can only be in awe of it and submit to the One who sacrificed His life to save me and my daughter.
Father's Love
by Damon Moon
1. Father’s Love for Me
Growing up, my father taught me many things. He taught me the value of diligence and hard work, the importance of good relationships, the joy of learning a new language, the resilience of adapting to any environment, the courage to try new things and solve problems, and the priority of having fun along the way. He also taught me the wisdom of writing things down and structuring the problems before attempting to solve them. It was actually never taught, but was caught. I just saw him how he reacted to the situations that we’d be experiencing as family. He was optimistic even in the toughest situations during the IMF financial crisis. At the dinner table, we frequently discussed business issues that he was experiencing.
These moments shaped me who I am today. He was a busy businessman, spending most of the year on business trips overseas. But when he was home, I had a chance to learn these values and skills.
He is not a follower of Jesus yet, but he had his way of loving his children. Without scripture, he constructed what would make the best life, practiced them himself and made the effort to teaching them to me.
When I reflect on my upbringing, his desire for his family was being successful. It wasn’t just about financial success, but more of a respected, well-rounded leader that doesn’t need the help of others and doesn’t bring burden or harm to others.
Of course there are things I didn’t learn, such as waking up at 4am, learning 5 languages, and challenging myself physically to do 30 consecutive pull-ups.
2. My Love for My Kids
Now as both of my kids are in their teenage years, I am having more opportunities to reflect on my approach to parenting. I am asking myself, what is the value that I want to teach my children, am I diligently teaching and showing them, or am I just outsourcing it to the church and just handing the bible and calling it a day?
"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 ESV
Despite my desire to be a good father, I admit I am more absent than most fathers. Despite the biblical values I tell myself I have, my actions often fall short.
In the short moments I have with my kids, I am often disappointed by their actions, words, lack of respect and discipline.
It’s not their fault. It is my fault for not teaching them, for not showing them the values.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6 ESV
God gave my family as the first disciples. This year, I felt it more.
It has been a challenge juggling my startup company, teaching, and church and make time for family. Despite the importance of having dinner together and having fun as a family, there were excuses every night not to be at home. Maybe too often, I’ve been saying too many “yes”es to others, while saying “no” to my own family members.
But kids will be gone in just 4 years. Time is running out. There is no more room for excuses.
What I want to teach my kids:
I don't think it is wise to throw out everything my father taught me, just because he was an unbeliever. There are many skills, values, and character that are needed for life on earth. There are probably many character traits that I can’t separate myself from, whether I like it or not.
Here’s a list of things I want to add.
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The joy of praising the LORD
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The excitement of divine appointments
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The benefits of sanctified life
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The serving and loving others
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Rejoicing at all times
I need to spend more time with them while I have them. I want to make these times more enjoyable, something they look forward to, but because they can do whatever they want, but there is something unique about the time that they spend with me, something that they will remember for a long time even when they are older. Something that would be caught as they watch me react to the world around us.
I can trust in the LORD, because He loves me. He already died for me, and has shown me His love for me, regardless of my behavior or performance.
"What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Luke 11:11-13 ESV
Can I have the same kind of love for my kids? A type of love that they will understand not through what I say but what I do.
"And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction."
Malachi 4:6 ESV
3. God’s Love for Me
Just like my father had a desire to teach me his values, and just like how I want to teach my kids, God has a specific desire to teach me several things at this season of my life.
First would be humility. Growing up, I was the most arrogant person I can think of, rebellious to all leaders and authority. The positive outlook and the “can do” spirit went too far. I sense there is still a lot of arrogance in my heart, and they come up like dirty sewer water.
Second would be resilience. This ties in with humility that I don’t have all the answers, and have to rely on God, and others that God sent me. Living a missional life requires resilience. here will be rejections, set backs, and challenges.
Third would be relationships. God commands us to love one another. Humility and resilience without the relationships will be a tough and lonely journey.
Maybe my kids forget how much I love them. Their thoughts could be justified by my actions. I repent and will start to change that going forward.
Sometimes I forget how much God love me. God’s ultimate work has already been done on the cross. He is continuing to shape me and train me so that I can better serve His kingdom.
"For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."
Hebrews 12:6 ESV
Growing in Missional Faith
by Jun Lim
“I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.” Philemon 1:6
There were many teaching moments throughout LOLMD this year but the one thing I saw a huge growth within myself was how to be missional in my life. I could see the growth in myself of being missional when the missions homework encouraged us to pray and share the Gospel with people that God had placed in our hearts. For me, God had placed my younger brother, Grace’s brothers and parents onto my heart. My brother and I grew up in the church but once covid hit, my brother began to lose his faith and stopped attending church. Even now, the relationship I have with my brother is shaky as we sometimes push each other’s limit which ultimately leads us to fighting and bickering. So, when I felt God leading my heart to reach out to my brother and to bring him back to Christ, the thought of it felt very uncomfortable and emotionally exhausting. The thought of me sitting with him and having a genuine conversation felt so foreign and uncomfortable. We had never sat down together and had a conversation about faith or how our life has been going. But for me, God knew that reaching out to someone who lives just a door away from me would be the perfect person to talk about the Gospel and faith. This changed my mindset and the interactions I would have with my brother by inviting him to church, events, and any fellowship setting to see if that would bring him back to church. My brother and I had made plans to grab lunch together to talk about life and faith and during that time, God’s presence was there as he made the conversation flow and gave both of us an open ear to really listen to each other. My brother still has no intention of attending church but recently attended our parent’s outdoor service and I definitely see that God is working in him. As God continues to work in my brother, I pray that he will return before God and we will worship together once again.
As Grace and I have been dating for 2 years, making it 3 this August, we both have had the conversation of our future which includes being a part of each other’s families. The story of how Grace and I met begins when we were serving at the church her family currently attends. The time Grace and I met, her and her family were attending church after some time away from the church scene. After some time away from church, they were still relatively new in faith and getting back into being a part of the church and growing their faith. In the early stages of dating Grace, sharing my faith with her or her family was the last thing on my mind. Through LOLMD, I realized the importance of sharing the Gospel and helping others understand the good news and how the story of God working in my life could make an impact to those around me. And as God put Grace’s parents and brothers on my heart, I wanted to pray for them that they continue to grow in faith and truly experience the goodness of the Lord. Although I did not directly share my faith with them, it was shown to them while serving for the summer program that was hosted by her parent’s church. As I took on the role of the summer program coordinator, I would lead the students through prayer and the review of the Bible lesson for the day. As Grace and I have been dating for a long time and the conversation of our future is soon to become a reality, it made me want to apply and show her family the things I have learned from LOLMD. The importance of having a spouse with the same religious background and how important it is to raise up a family in Christ. As Grace and her family continue to attend church together, I am praying the same prayer of how her family will continue to grow in their faith as well as experience God working in their lives and share it with those around them. LOLMD has taught me a lot this year and there are definitely things I would like to apply now and in the future. As my brother and Grace’s family are a part of my life, I will constantly be praying for them that God will work in their lives and they will glorify God always.
Praising the Lord While Fearing Him
by Danny Lim
Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” I’ve been struggling to fear the Lord and didn’t understand what it meant to truly fear the Lord. Instead of trying to struggle more with this topic of fearing the Lord, I’ve been living like a fool who would despise reproves.
Psalms 113: 1-3 “Praise the Lord! Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord! Blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore! From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised!” As I was on this journey of figuring out what it means to fear the Lord, I completely excluded the praise part of my journey. My actions of fearing God were surrendering and acknowledging my sins. However, only acknowledging my sins quickly got me into a pit of joyless faith. Whenever I confess my sins or notice my sins, I have a habit of beating myself up for the wrong doings I have made against God. After asking for forgiveness, there is no praise following up. While reading through Psalms during my devo, it talks about praising God and lifting up our shouts and praises to Him. First couple of times, it did not really catch my eyes because I’ve been beating myself down with my own sins. Then, as I finally got to Psalms 113, I was reminded that praising God is necessary and is part of forgiveness. Quickly, I’ve started to apply praises on every part of my confessions and rather than feeling better about myself, it gave me an understanding of the fearful and loving God.
I still do not have the full understanding of fearing God. However, I did realize that I praise and worship Him not only because He is loving, merciful and gracious, but also because He is God who is to be feared.
Fleshing Out
by Joseph Lim
Over the years, I’ve shared 3 testimonies for Revive’s annual testimonies. The first was in December 2015 and the second in May 2022. It’s never easy writing testimony, especially when you are still going through something you’ve been struggling with for a long time- however you define it. A pattern I’ve noticed is God always makes me write testimonies in the middle of my transitional periods, never after I’d gone through them. After reading through my old testimonies, it wasn’t too hard to figure out why; God has been giving me such opportunities to capture my struggles as soberly and accurately as possible, without any later romanticization of my memory eclipsing the suffering, to witness what God has done fully. I am here not only as a participant but also as a witness to God’s work.
This year has been challenging for me. I finished my boot camp hoping to transition into the data science field. Unlike my expectation of a smooth transition, I faced roadblocks (seemingly) every step of the way. Waltzing back and forth between anticipation and grinds of interviews and rejections, I could not help but be anxious. I had (and still have) so many plans for my life and I felt this obstacle was hindering me from every great thing ahead.
I pleaded to God, asking when He would let me out of this painful season. It was one issue not being able to have financial stability, but it was another thing me falling behind on plans I had for myself. God promised He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future, but I wasn’t sure (still not entirely sure) how. Realizing such a drastic dent in my plan, which in my eyes, was the only way to navigate to the future God has for me, I felt this deep void in my chest.
However, God did not leave me alone to drown in this void. He opened my eyes to see my fixation with my own plans and distrust in God’s plan and his will. I did not trust in the goodness of God’s plan. I was being my own god that God needed to purify through his furnace. I tried to flesh out plans I’d made out of my fleshly desires, but instead, God had plans to oust my flesh out of my desires.
Where I lack, I will soberly evaluate. I will not cheapen and distort God’s grace to use as an excuse not to excel- God is excellence. Instead, I will do my best to continue honing my skills to be ready when God provides me with opportunities. When all of this is over, I’ll know it is all God’s doing, and wherever I end up is where God wants me to be. For now, this is where God wants me to be. I will continue to look to his hand and be faithful.
I ended my 2015 testimony with Philippians 1:6, “That he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” When I wrote that, I imagined a glorified version of myself, working a well-respected job and living a well-rounded, stable life that I would be proud of- my dream. I could not even dream of anything else.
I’d like to end this one a bit differently.
Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore.
Faith Found Me
by Grace Park
I was infant baptized and went to church with my parents until 5th grade. My parents stopped going to church when I was in middle school and high school, so I also stopped attending church. Even though I went to church as a child, I didn’t have an actual relationship with God. I didn’t even know how to actually pray. As a young child, church was just a place to go see my friends every Sunday. To me, it was just a known fact that God exists, and I thought everyone else believed this too. But when I was in 5th grade, one of my classmates said that they didn’t believe in God because they were Buddhist. I was shocked to hear that someone didn’t believe in God because I had thought everyone knew God existed. This was also the first time I learned that people can have different religions and beliefs. When I was in college, my mom took me to a Korean church after our family had not attended church since I was in 5th grade. After listening to the Pastor’s sermons, I wanted to continue to go to church and know more about being a “good Christian”. In the summer of that year, I helped out with the church’s summer day camp as a teacher. I met my boyfriend, Jun, there, and we started dating and looked for our own church together. Jun knew about Revive through Walter Park from volleyball, so we came to Revive, and I was able to find a welcoming church community where I could relate to many of the people as a Korean-American raised in the Bay Area. A couple of months later, I started attending Biola University, a Christian college in Southern California, because I wanted to learn more about the Bible and “what it means to be Christian” in the setting of a Christian community. When I lived in Southern California, I went to another Korean church and was a part of the English Ministry there. One Friday evening, I followed my friends to a Friday night Bible study and worship/prayer meeting. This was the first time I’d ever been to a Friday night worship and prayer meeting. During the time of prayer, the lights were off, there was praise music playing loudly in the background, and a speaker led the people into prayer. The speaker in the background said, “Oftentimes, we may pray to God, ‘God, if you help me this time, then I’ll go to church every week.’” When I heard this, I was reminded of my hard times in high school when I felt hopeless and I prayed that if God took away my hardships, then I would believe in Him. Remembering this past experience in that moment, I felt so guilty for praying like that in the past because I started to realize that God doesn’t just love me for the things I do. I quietly prayed to myself when I heard a voice that I knew was from God directly speaking to me. It felt like he was saying, “ I’m so happy you came today. You wanted to hear my voice right? This is my voice.” I remember just bursting into tears and not being able to stop crying. It felt weird because I wasn’t crying tears of sadness or hardships. Instead, I was crying because I felt the presence of God. I didn’t want to leave the room because I felt His presence. At that moment, I felt certainty in my heart that God is real, and His love is unconditional. I don’t know if I actually got saved that day at that moment, but I definitely experienced the presence of God through the Holy Spirit. When I came back to Revive and listened to the sermons, it became clear to me that I am such a sinner, but God still unconditionally loves me. He sent down his Son Jesus Christ who paid for our sins because He loves us so much. I feel like the idea of our sins being forgiven if we believe in Jesus Christ is, as Pastor Soosang would say, “mind-boggling”, but God makes what can seem impossible, possible. God is so good, He is real, and He is alive. Today, I stand here to fully surrender my life to Him and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Blessed by Discipleship
by Rachel Murata
My life following Jesus Christ has been greatly blessed by Life On Life Missional Discipleship Training. It has been a crucial part of my spiritual growth this last year. I love that Revive offers an in-depth and high commitment discipleship group. Meeting weekly and personally working though the material has helped me better understand difficult topics like total depravity and suffering. It has also helped me to stay accountable with personal worship and spending time with God throughout the week! God really connects with us through his Word and I have a new desire to read the Bible.
It’s been such a joy to get to know the women in my group, and I look forward to our Journey group meetings every week. I feel so blessed to be a part of LOLMD because of how God has used it in his walk with me. It has helped me to be more missional in my life. I have grown in sharing my faith with friends and acquaintances this year. God has equipped me through the material and support I receive with LOLMD. I am excited to experience more of God’s love and grace for me next season with my journey group.
A Journey of Transformation
by Karis Kim
Life on Life Missional Discipleship Training (LOLMD) was the thing I needed during a time when I otherwise would have stayed stagnant/gone backwards in my spiritual walk. I might have been very comfortable where I was, but there was this slight itch that wanted something more after graduating from college.
Surprisingly, I didn’t go into LOLMD with many expectations, I wasn’t thinking “I need this and this fixed in my life, LOLMD is going to do it.” Rather I found myself thinking “I don’t know what’s going to happen in a year, but I sure know I will be thankful that I did it.” And I am so thankful.
Some examples of how I have grown: Personal time of worship is more integrated into my daily/weekly life - I feel its absence when I neglect to take that time with God. There is accountability between my LOLMD sisters and loving correction that I heed and that lead me to being a more joyful follower of Christ. I have a community of friends that I didn’t have before, one that is filled with the love of God - feels like family.
There have also been deep internal changes that, without a doubt, are still in progress, and have brought me closer to Christ. I gained a new understanding of the depth of my sin which led me to understand more fully the amount of love and grace my Father has for me. It led me to repentance for not forgiving others when I was forgiven much. LOLMD and its missional focus gave me a new perspective on how to better love others in my workplace and reminded me that the end times are near so I should be bold! It spurred me on to love as God loves and to live as Christ lived. I look forward to what the next 2 years will bring and how God will continue to mold and shape me with each week.
Renewed Faith
by Jae Lee
I have heard about parables of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21) many times yet I didn’t realize I was becoming the rich fool myself. My main goal in life is to be successful in my career so I can have a comfortable life. But only to realize there is no end to this rabbit hole as I make more, I spend more and balance out to always be needy and poor.
I am also sad to acknowledge that my arrogance grew only bigger as I advanced in my career. It’s my second year in Life on Life Missional Discipleship Training, and I’m slowly starting to have a renewed relationship with God and this helped me reflect on myself, and reminds me to be humble at everything. It’s never me but my God who is in absolute charge and does all the great things. I need to keep reminding myself not to be anxious about career, financial, family issues but to keep the trust and faith in God who always delivers, provides plenty, and even shows miracles.
From Anger to Peace
by Martha Serna
I can honestly say that Life on Life Missional Discipleship Training, and God saved my marriage. He has brought me and my husband together, it has allowed us to find love in one another again. We communicate better and more, we don’t fight as much, there’s no talk of wanting to end the marriage anymore. Our marriage did not just go from negative to neutral, but by the grace of God and power of Christ, it has blossomed. Not only has Danny’s and my emotional-spiritual life changed for the better, but also our physical and intimate connection has deepened.
By being in LOLMD, I am now building a relationship with my daughter. Before, there was a disconnect, but now I feel closer to her.
In my first year of LOLMD, I desperately needed peace from the anger in myself, but now this year, I am feeling peace that I have never felt before, so much so that I have gotten compliments that I’m not as angry anymore. Before I’d be so angry at the world, and although not much has changed in my surroundings and circumstances from the last year, there is now a peace in my heart that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I have grown in my forgiveness and missional heart. Now that I see the wonderful change that only Jesus can do in my life, I share the gospel with my sisters and extended family every chance I get.
I can confidently say that through LOLMD, God has propelled all of this change in my life, and I can’t help but look forward to what else God has planned in this third, and final year and beyond.
My Spiritual Priorities Transformed
by Young Gwon
Greetings, beloved members of Revive church! My name is Young, and I’m delighted to share the testimony about our spiritual journey during the first year of the Life on Life Missional Discipleship Training, alongside my dear brothers (Pastor SooSang, Joseph, and Manny) in faith.
Before I found my way to the LOLMD disciple class, my days were a relentless cycle of work obligations and caring for my two precious children. Lots of spare moments were spent to ensuring my kid’s well-being and providing their daily needs. In this midst of fully booked life, the idea of committing to additional activities seemed daunting, if not impossible. When I first heard about the LOLMD classes being weekly, hesitation gripped me tightly.
However, in despite of my initial reservations, I and my wife took a leap of faith and decided to attend the LOLMD disciple class. For the first few meetings, I really felt awkward, strange and not comfortable of sharing my personal life with someone else than my wife. However, as it progressed more and more I found myself that I have stepped into the classroom surrounded by Pastor SooSang, Joe, and Manny, and I thought I have found the community that welcomed me with open idea, and mind. The weekly meetings, though initially thought to be daunting, it soon became a source of strength and very valuable time that I did not want to miss at all.
At the end of LOLMD, it is true that I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings I received during my time in the LOLMD disciple class through Pastor SooSang, Joe and Manny. Because of these fellow brothers of mine, I reached to the conclusion that I have learned the invaluable lesson of prioritizing my spiritual well-being amidst life's busyness and through LOLMD, I think I have truly discovered that God is offering comfort, and strength to everyone.
From Broken to Redeemed
by Danny Serna
Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in my life. Thank you for my family, friends, and my daughter Sophia. Most of all thank you for my wife. You have yoked me to a perfect companion. When times were tough, and I didn’t know you my relationship was in big trouble. Thank you for finding me at the perfect time. Once I got to know you your grace overflowed in my life. You took something broken and repaired it. Lord I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been. You brought me a helper, a believer, a faithful servant of yours, and a shining light in my life. I owe all of this not to me or my wife or our goodness but to you are your grace and steadfast love for your children. Lord Jesus thank you for saving me, and saving my marriage.
Amen
Overcoming Doubts: Growth Through Discipleship
by Ashley Chin
When I was first asked to join a Life on Life Missional Discipleship training group, I was surprised and overwhelmed. I had just become a member of Revive a few days before, joined my first GLF group, and I was planning to get baptized the following month. These were all things I had been praying for, and I felt God was moving in my life, but it was happening faster than expected. I also would be joining the group a couple weeks after the first meeting and would have to catch up on the assignments. At first I was hesitant to take on the time commitment and I also felt like I wasn’t spiritually mature enough to be worthy of being in the group. I selfishly wanted God to move according to my timeline. Despite all of my worries, Gina saw that I was hungry for the lord and was eager to grow in my faith. I decided to say yes and trust God would be with me through the process.
During the first meeting, I was so blessed by everyone’s testimonies and willingness to share. This helped set a tone of vulnerability and openness during our meetings. I was able to feel comfortable sharing things of my past I wasn’t proud of without being anxious of anyone’s judgment. God provided a space for me and my sisters in Christ to ask questions, share what’s on our mind, and request prayer. I appreciated having women in my group that had different experiences and were at different stages of life. Through our weekly prayers, I was able to see how God was moving in my life and my group members' lives. Together, we would praise God when our prayers were answered and could also cry together when they weren’t answered the way we expected. I was able to see how God works in all situations.
Through LOLMD, my understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ deepened. Previously, I had never spent much time considering my responsibility to be missional, God’s meaning in suffering, or how to discipline children, but each section we went through revealed to me something about God’s love. The area I saw the most growth in my life was God giving me strength and love to be more bold in sharing my faith with others. After my year of LOLMD, I feel more comfortable sharing with my non-christian friends, family members, and coworkers about Jesus Christ. For the first time, I started inviting people to come with me to church. Last year, I don’t think all my co-workers knew I went to church, but now during our lunch breaks I often tell them about all the things Revive is doing and have asked a few co-workers if they would like to come. Before, my relationship with Jesus was something that I tried to keep private and found it difficult to talk about. Now I am more open to sharing about Jesus with others and now I hope that everyone I know experiences the joy of knowing Jesus.
Transforming Complacency into Reverence
by Jiho Moon
Looking back at this past year, one theme that God continually emphasized is the closing of eyes. He has delineated two different types: sleeping and reverence for God.
A common experience among teens is falling asleep when they’re not supposed to; whether in class, during a sermon, or even while doing homework. I am no exception to this; I have had a bad habit of falling asleep during sermons and periods of sitting. A prime example of this was the Bible Survey class. A little bit of background: Bible Survey is a class part of the CCA 10th grade curriculum which strives to read through the entirety of the Bible within the school year.
Although this class aims for the noble goal, unfortunately for me, that entails pushing through the lengthy laws of the Old Testament, the repetitive prophecies of the Judges, and the judgment of Israel again and again. Although I did not admit this to myself at the time, I had deemed the laws irrelevant, allowing myself to be lulled to sleep. Through all this, I could not determine the cause of my drowsiness. I related to the disciples falling asleep during Jesus’s prayer in Gethsemane when “He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me for one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:40-41).
I had associated myself with this verse, counting my spirit as willing, but the flesh weak; but one day I asked myself: “Is my spirit willing”?
In all honesty, I would count Bible Survey as one of the most challenging classes, only because of the endurance of focus it requires. Even though I did find things interesting, I realize now that it was with a begrudging heart. Growing up in the church made it easy to pass off the Old Testament as something less important than the New Testament since it contains mostly laws and judgment. I childishly believed that I already knew the Old Testament because I had already read it once before, also with a “I just have to read it just because” mentality.
In my 10th grade English class, I read the blind bard Homer’s depiction of Odysseus compromising to sleep in times when he should have been leading his men and focusing on his journey back home. This is his ultimate flaw; he does not recognize the urgency of things and the extent of how long he has delayed, pridefully believing that he can do it later. Similarly, in the Pilgrim's Progress, Christian falls asleep and loses his scroll, the key to salvation. It ultimately deters him from his telos, his life’s purpose to reach the kingdom of heaven.
During the recent CCSJ Winter Camp, I realized what God has made me go through these struggles with sleep and read about these characters who fell short because of their untimely sleep to convict me of my complacency; believing that I already knew God “well enough”. Instead of closing my eyes to sleep, God led me to close my eyes in prayer to focus solely on Him and close my eyes in worship for the same reasons as well. The shutting off of the visual sense separates man from the distractions of the world to dwell alone with God and see the unseen things. Shutting off the sense that is responsible for navigating the world around us causes us to depend solely on God, cutting off any ties that may have been dragging us down in the first place. I realized that loving God meant that I was genuinely interested in His character, past, present, and future, for they are all the same God: the unchanging, everlasting, everloving God.
Firm Foundation
by Chloe Lee
There might be Christians who are enduring an endless cycle of suffering. They might think, "Things will get better after this hardship." But just imagining another hardship starting after this one ends can be discouraging.
I’ve been praying and living my faith diligently, so why does suffering continue to accompany me? Did I mishear God's voice? Am I still lacking? There were times when I grumbled with these thoughts. I vaguely dreamed of happiness and comfort, thinking that if I prayed a lot and worked hard, blessings would come. I mistook my diligence for faith during those arrogant times.
This past year has been a difficult time for my family and me. When mental, physical, and financial suffering came all at once, I was overwhelmed by anxiety, unsure of how to accept this situation.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
I had to hold onto Joshua 1:9.
However, I could see that this time of suffering was changing Jae and me significantly. We were growing little by little. We came to acknowledge that this was not by our ability and were trained to submit to God’s plan and will. We also experienced that when our relationship with God is right, the time it takes to recover from crises gradually shortens.
As Christians, we must think that suffering is the default. Suffering means growth. Knowing that this is the process of me becoming stronger, I even feel grateful for this time. Our situation might not change much, but I am thankful that my relationship with God can only deepen.
Last year, during worship, Pastor Yung shared the lyrics of a song I had never heard before. Since then, I have kept that song in my heart. In this situation of building a house, it feels like God is telling me that I am becoming more solid through these trainings, like building a sturdy house, which has been a great comfort.
Rain came and wind blew
But my house was built on You
I'm safe with You
I'm gonna make it through
I don’t know about others, but honestly, if at any moment comfort and stability find their way into my life, I would undoubtedly drift away from God. I confess that this is the kind of person I am. Therefore, I will gratefully embrace this suffering.
Embracing My True Identity in Christ
by Lumi Lee
Growing up in a Christian family, attending church has always been a significant part of my life. In fourth grade, I made the important decision to be baptized, publicly declaring my faith. My journey continued through church camps and Sunday school, where I deepened my understanding and relationship with God. During COVID, I attended Calvary Christian Academy for sixth and seventh grade, where all my learning revolved around Christianity and God. It was there that I learned most about the many stories in the Bible and the deeper meanings behind God’s words.
Despite being surrounded by His teachings, I often felt like I wasn't a “good enough” Christian. I constantly compared myself to my classmates, who seemed to have a deep relationship with God, knowing exactly where every book of the Bible was and making significant progress in their spiritual journeys. This comparison left me feeling not good enough and discouraged, which made me less interested in growing spiritually. For a long time, I did good deeds with good intentions—helping others, volunteering, and being kind. However, my actions felt hollow because I lacked genuine faith and a meaningful connection with God. I was unaware that I was putting up walls that kept me from growing closer to God. I wasn’t interested in reading the Bible or addressing my shortcomings in God's eyes. My good deeds were more about doing what was expected than about cultivating a sincere relationship with God.
After two years at CCA, I moved back to public school in eighth grade. I made new friends and started prioritizing them over my church and family. In my first year of high school I really began to feel lost and unsure of myself. I lost all confidence and tried to carry everything on my own. I felt distant from everyone and overwhelmed by the pressure of figuring out who I wanted to be and what I wanted my future to look like. My path with God became unclear, and I felt I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I felt extremely alone. Even when I was surrounded by many friends, I felt that they didn’t care for me or want to hear how I felt. I began pretending to be someone I wasn’t in order to gain their approval. It was draining to spend time with friends. When I tried to be myself, I had forgotten who I truly was. I felt isolated and unable to reach out for help. To cope, I turned to social media and shopping, seeking temporary relief and distraction from my emotions.
After the school year ended, I felt a mix of relief and exhaustion. The pressures and uncertainties had worn me out, and I was ready for a change. Then came the church youth retreat—an eagerly awaited break from social media and filters. Having fellowship with my church family and guided by the Holy Spirit, I finally found the clarity and peace I had been looking for.
During the retreat, I felt a strong sense of community and renewal. I had the chance to reconnect with God through heartfelt prayer and worship, letting go of the masks I had worn at school. It was a crucial moment where I could honestly come back to Christ and reaffirm my commitment to Him. Taking a break from social media helped me hear God’s guidance more clearly, leading me to deepen my relationship with Him.
After our church's youth retreat, I attended the CCA youth retreat, an experience that became deeply meaningful to me. At CCA's retreat, I found a community where I felt genuinely cared for and listened to. It was there that I began to discover my true identity as a child of God. Surrounded by supportive peers, I felt a profound sense of connection and unity. Together, we grew in our faith, enjoying the companionship of each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.
During that retreat, I felt a calling from God to rededicate my life to Him. It marked a fresh start and a renewed commitment to building a stronger, healthier relationship with God and myself. Since then, I've continued to nurture my spiritual growth, finding joy in walking this journey with others who share my faith. Each step forward has been a testament to God's grace and guidance in my life.
Power of Prayers for the Next Generation
by Damon Moon
Reach Potential Movement (now Reach Silicon Valley) has been running Bishop Book Shelf for a long time with Trinity. In 2019, the 1st year with Trinity, we assembled the bookshelves with them for the kindergarteners at Bishop Elementary School. We thought we could do this every year. But COVID put the brakes on this outreach. In 2022, Trinity asked us if we can take over the ministry. So we put together book bags instead of the bookshelves during COVID. In April 2023, the mission team concluded that it was already too late to launch another Bishop Book bag before the summer break. More than the timing itself, we felt that the relational aspect was missing.
When we reached out to Malia, founder of Reach SV, she suggested that we do a prayer walk with her on May 8th. She said, "never underestimate the power of prayers". So the mission team (SooSang, Andy, and Damon) got together and did a prayer walk around the elementary school campus. We didn't know about Kids Club, we didn't know how we could possibly serve. It was just too much of a coincidence that the closest school from Revive is called Bishop.
Pastor SooSang knew of Kids Club and reached out to Bev, the founder of Kids Club. On June 26, 2023, she came to the mission team meeting and presented the opportunity. The mission team prayed. The entire church prayed for 40 days, leading up to Thanksgiving. Many small groups went on campus and did the prayer walk. Some were on the fasting prayer chain. We also called, emailed, left messages at the school for the opportunity to open. It wasn't until January 21st this year when we finally got the call back from the principal that she wants to meet us.
Fast forward several weeks later, 23 people signed up to serve on the team. We even had 2 Spanish speaking volunteers, Oscar and Nancy, join from Trinity. Total of 21 students joined Kids Club on the 1st day. Throughout the Spring term, a total of 27 students registered. One student even joined the Vacation Bible Camp offered at Trinity. Students are excited to learn about God and learn from our Kids Club volunteers.
I am grateful to witness the power of prayers, the loving hearts, hands and minds of our church, serving and sacrificing for the next generation right in our backyard.