How has Following Jesus Impacted My Life Recently?

What you’re holding in your hands right now is a jar of clay. You’re probably saying to yourself, “I’m holding a booklet (or if you’re reading this online, then you’re holding some electronic device), but definitely, not a jar of clay”.

To explain, in ancient times, people used jars of clay because they were useful for a wide array of purposes, including the storage of valuable documents and scrolls due to the jar’s resistant qualities against both fire and water. Another quality about these jars of clay is that they were brittle.

The stories contained within this booklet are stories from people who are just like you and me, normal people who face normal problems and who often are affected by the brokenness of the world around us, and the brokenness inside each one of us. Maybe you can relate. And yet despite the fragile nature of this life, just like those fragile jars of clay that contain valuable scrolls, this booklet contains valuable stories from real people, full of true life observations of God in our real lives; particularly God’s faithfulness and lavish generosity to us. This is the treasure of living forever in the palace of the King of Kings, not merely as a guest, but as His co-heir. The greatest most luxurious mansion or penthouse in Silicon Valley doesn’t compare to the majesty and beauty of the Palace of the one true Living God, YAHWEH.

So as you read the following true life scrolls from people just like you and me, know that even though we might appear on the surface as plain as a brittle jar of clay, inside we hold a treasure that eclipses any fortune the world can offer; the treasure of having an eternal seat at YHWH’s table not as His guest, but as His child. Please be encouraged to find your place at His table by simply trusting in Jesus Christ as your Savior who saves you from your sin, and as your Lord, the Servant King who paid with His life to purchase for you a share in His eternal inheritance.

Sincerely,

Pastor Yung J. Kim

Thank God I Do

by Martha Escamilla

Every time I listen to the song ‘Thank God I Do’ by Lauren Daigle, the lyrics “I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t know you, I’d probably fall off the edge.” really resonates with me. Before I knew Christ, I was a sad individual. I was angry and would project that anger at anyone that was in my path. My husband and daughter would be victims of my wrath. I would say hurtful things to them. I was so miserable. I looked for ways to be happy and retail therapy became my best friend. I really was about to go over the edge. It wasn’t until 2020 when Pastor Yung came into our home to meet with Danny and me, and re-introduced me to Christ through the book of John that I knew God loved me, and accepted me as the sinner that I was.

Since knowing Christ, I am more happy and little by little, my daughter and I are starting to have a relationship. My marriage is better than it has ever been. I am not as angry. I no longer desire to fight the driver that cuts me off on my commute to and from work. I first joined a bible study group, and subsequently, a discipleship training group. I am so grateful for Christy, my leader. I have made god-driven friendships with the ladies in my group, and I have seen blessing after blessing come to fruition.

I am not perfect, and have a long road ahead, but with the help and guidance of my church leaders, I know I can’t go wrong. I now know God and ‘Thank God I Do.’

Out of Darkness

by Danny Serna

Before knowing God I walked in the darkness a complete slave to myself. There were things in my life that were not good for me and influenced me in ways that weren’t good for me and my family but they still had a hold on me. My heart was hardened from past experiences and I didn’t know what happiness was and I didn’t even know where to go and look for it. I did my best to be good to my wife Martha, my daughter Sophia, my mother and my family and friends, but no matter what I did my heart wasn’t ever completely happy. I had a hole in my heart that I tried to fill in with things I shouldn’t but the more and more I did those things the deeper the hole became. It seemed like I wasn’t living life but just going through the motions, finding no joy in what life had to offer. I was very good at hiding how I was feeling and dealt with anxiety and depression. I built a wall so high that nobody was allowed in. I was afraid that if anyone really knew who I was then there was no way that they would accept me. I was ashamed of who I had become and would rather hide the real me than let anyone truly know the struggles that were inside me. I knew there had to be a better way.

Then at the start of the pandemic while everyone was locked in their homes one of my neighbors, Anna Park, and her children were playing in the parking lot playing with Moses and Everly. Sophia is an only child and I thought it would be great for her to have some neighbors to play with. I asked Anna and she said of course. I met Daniel Park shortly after that and we bonded pretty quickly. We both play golf, love sports, and have so much in common. As we grew closer Anna asked if we could have a children’s Bible Study in my backyard and we agreed. At some point Martha mentioned to Anna that it would be great if there was something for adults as well.

This is when she set up a time for me and Martha, my wife, to meet with Pastor Yung at my home. I was really nervous but also excited about what was possible. After talking, we all agreed that every week would meet up every Friday for a few months and read the Gospel of John. During this time not only was I meeting with the group but I also met Jesus for the first time. I noticed that Jesus was all the things I wanted to be: Kind, compassionate, loving, and the father I had been longing for. As we met more and my outlook started to change, I knew I wanted to put my trust and faith in him.

During one of those meetings we came across chapter 14 where Jesus gives His invitation into the Father’s house. Pastor Yung asked us what our response was to His invitation. Martha and I responded that we wanted to enter the Father’s house, but we still felt like we had some work to do in our lives first. Then Pastor Yung explained to us that through the work that Jesus did in His life and on the Cross, that whoever believes in Jesus and His work will be able to enter the Father’s house and be with Him forever. This made it clear to us that it wasn’t our works that got us into the Father’s house, but the work that Jesus had already done.

After putting my trust in Jesus, I was already becoming happier and I knew if this was just the start then it would only get better. I wanted to stop trying to control my life and put that control into the hands of Jesus. This lessened the stress in my life knowing that I would never be alone and that Jesus would always be with me. I felt happier, I was more open, and the walls were starting to fall. I felt that YHWH had a purpose for me, a purpose dedicated to YHWH and to the change I had been seeking. The hole I had been trying to fill was actually being filled now, and for the first time in a long time my heart was being renewed.

Ever since I put my trust in YHWH things in my life have truly changed. I am a happier person. The old me with my old unwanted parts is fading and is Dead and I have been renewed in Christ. The road might be bumpy and I know life will have its challenges and I won’t be perfect, none of us are but instead of leaning on my own understanding I know that if I trust GOD and put GOD first in everything I do then I can’t go wrong. The darkness I used to live in had now been replaced by The Light of Jesus. I now have hope and know that my life has meaning and the future is bright. I thank GOD so much for seeking my heart and finding his lost sheep.

Generational Worship

by Joe Kim

This year’s youth group was very much the beginning of a new group. Except for one senior, Elizabeth, everyone else is a freshman in high school or below. This means that we were taking some important steps in building a new culture. One area that we really wanted to build on was praise and worship. We wanted to bring them from a place where the music was their parent’s music to a place where it was their own. One of the challenges of this was that during regular Sunday praise times the frequency by which we sang a song was very low. That makes it very hard for the youth to learn, love, and appreciate a song.

We decided to begin the year by coming up with a list of about 10 praise songs that the youth enjoyed. We began to sing these songs regularly during our youth meetings. Without mincing words, things started out terribly. During praise, there was a lot of blank staring into the air, whispering conversations between neighbors, and silence. Lots and lots of cold silence.

Each week we started by taking a moment to read over the songs. They would then have a chance to point out things they liked about the song or things that stuck out to them. This would give them a chance to know the words they were singing and find meaning in it. Week by week this would be our pattern and we would slowly add new songs into the rotation as we learned them. This was beginning to work, but we still had a good number of blank looking faces during the praise time. We encouraged everyone to at least try to sing, whisper the song if they were uncomfortable singing, or just mouth the words. Little by little they grew louder and more confident. Some weeks can be beautiful. Other weeks are still a struggle, but its wonderful to see the growth. It’ll be great to see what happens in the years ahead.

Renewal in Community

by Amy Hernandez

I came into this year of LOLMD with excitement but also a degree of apprehension. The group would be larger than last year, with women from different backgrounds, leanings, and seasons of life. It would also be a transition from my first year of seeking healing and hope to a year of stepping up more to lead and encourage.

The first year I didn’t always see what the Lord was doing in my life as I was working through my personal struggles and trials. In the midst of that, the Lord used me to reach a lady named Katie whom I met through a support group online and see her come to salvation. This year I did a study through the book of John with her, and it was encouraging to hear that hunger, witness her growth, and learn from her insights. It was also amazing to have the group praying for her. Likewise, I was very inspired by the new Christian in our group and the fresh eyes with which she saw the Word and the Christian life. I was also constantly moved by the faithfulness, gentle encouragement, and wisdom of another younger woman in the group.

Juxtaposed with the wisdom of the more mature women in the group, I felt the Lord’s blessing on our unity in the Spirit and walk with Christ. My group leader, Gina, was integral to that. She led as a servant. She led by example. She led gently but firmly. She led with love. In an encouragement she wrote to me at the end of our year, she included the following Scriptures from Isaiah 58:11:

And the Lord will guide you continually

and satisfy your desire in scorched places

and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

like a spring of water,

whose waters do not fail.

It sums up the year for me, a watered garden, satisfied in the scorched places with unfailing waters. Praise Jesus.

Discipleship - Changed by Jesus

by Tom Faucette

This was year two of my discipleship training journey in Life on Life Missional Discipleship. In year one, I learned how to study God’s Word “in pursuit of…[fill in the blank: Gospel Living, Grace Commitments, Knowing God, Healthy Marriage, Biblical Worldview, God-Honoring Parenting]”. Thankfully, this training began to transform my thinking through the regimen of study following a structured course of reading Truth, Equipping, Accountability, Mission, and Supplication (or TEAMS). I embraced the structure of the Life-on-Life Mission Discipleship (LOLMD) because it introduced a framework of studying God’s Word that was lacking in my life. I didn’t realize this at first, but discipleship training has steadily transformed my approach to my personal relationship with God, in my worship and prayers.

Prior to starting my LOLMD training, I had begun doing daily devotionals that included reading Bible verses following a calendared reading plan then concluding each devotional time with personal prayer. The discipline of daily devotional time was a good first step, but I needed something more. But what was missing? I had a lot of questions and felt like I would burden my pastors with all of my inquiries. Occasionally, I would pose a question to one of our pastors or ask within our GLF but there were so many questions. My hunger for knowledge about God’s Word became overwhelming at times and I can’t afford to have a pastor on retainer to answer my deluge of questions. They have a life too. I was introduced to the Bible Project videos by one of my GLF sisters to better understand the Book of Leviticus. That was helpful and continued my growth but there was still something important missing in my journey seeking the knowledge of God.

Well, of course, God knows what we need, and He answered my prayers through the invitation to participate in discipleship training. Looking back on this time in my life, I now realize that God wanted me to expand my study, worship, and prayer to include brothers who also loved Jesus and who were each on an individual journey of seeking knowledge and relationship with Jesus Christ. It makes sense that in order to grow my personal relationship with Jesus Christ, it would include building relationships with other brothers who want that relationship too.

Only recently through discipleship training did I learn to ask God to expose my heart: Jeremiah 17:10 “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruits of his deeds”

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

So, this is where I find myself today. Searching my heart and asking God to expose me for who I am so that I can cleanse my heart and right my spirit. Jesus has accomplished this for me (and each of us) through his death and resurrection. I now have a fuller understanding of how His sacrifice impacts my daily life and that my relationship is what Jesus wants, not making myself perfect before I come to Him. With that relationship comes reverence and obedience because I am now asking for His advice, and I don’t want to waste any of His counsel on how to live the life that He wants for me.

A little bit more on how I got to this place and where I hope to go with my discipleship. As I previously mentioned, it was discipleship training that began to fill-in the gaps of knowledge, not just through the LOLMD materials but unexpectedly in the sharing and fellowship with the brothers in my discipleship group. We have definitely felt the Holy Spirit’s presence during our meetings.

The discipleship training provided additional discipline - reading the materials to prepare for our weekly meeting and putting effort into memorizing the heart verse for that week. What started off as a bit of a burden, to memorize Bible verses each week, has become a blessing to me as God’s words enter my spirit. Honestly, I haven’t always been successful in memorizing the verses each week, but I do study the verses and ask for these words to become part of me.

Also, the structure and curriculum of the discipleship training was a needed component to foster a steady growth in my knowledge of God. I have found that self-reliance in worship and prayer is antithetical to growth. You need to worship, praise, study, pray corporately with the Body of Christ to really grow the relationship with Jesus Christ.

Initially, the Bible app had introduced some structure and discipline to my search for knowledge of God and yearning for relationship with Jesus Christ. What I discovered was so much more but there had to be a starting point for me, and I am grateful that God answered the prayers that I didn’t even know at the time were my prayers.

God has been gently nudging me in this direction and been patient with my progress. I may have been content with slow and steady growth, but God keeps reminding me that I am no spring chicken, and it’s time to increase the rate of my growth in knowledge and spiritual growth.

Thank you, God, for changing my heart through the absolute truth of your Word. I trust You. I receive Your love and want to serve you obediently. I’m working on that last part and God reminds me when I have disobeyed. At times those closest to me wish that the changes in me were quicker, that they might receive some benefit from being in a relationship with me born again in Christ. I wish that too. But I am a work in progress and others’ patience with me reflects the Father’s patience with me and each of us...and it is good.

Thank you, brothers & sisters in faith for being on this journey with me. I look forward to my last year of LOLMD and continue to pray for opportunities to be a witness to how God works within us when we have a relationship with Him and the body of Christ.

Towards Jesus

by Judy Kim

When the opportunity to join a LOLMD discipleship training group first arose for me, I was initially slightly intimidated by the level of mental and physical commitment it would entail, especially at a time when my health wasn’t doing well. However, as our group began to meet up and delve into our learnings, I realized that it had actually come at just the right time.

Just as LOLMD was starting up for the year, the remaining few close female friends I had in the area ended up moving to different states, and while I was still blessed with a good community around me, I was really starting to feel the need for deeper female relationships within close proximity grow over time.

Getting to know and spend so much time with the members of my LOLMD group wasn’t how I imagined this need would be filled, but it ended up being one of God’s answers to a prayer that I had just barely started to pray for at the time. He already knew what I would need and before I even began to ask, He had already started providing me with a group of women to love and be loved by, and most of all grow deeper in faith with. While I thought my health problems could be a blocker in my ability to commit to an LOLMD group, my group became a much-needed, steady, consistent source of support and prayer for me. I’ve been struggling both physically and emotionally with my health and how to process everything that has happened to me in the past year, but LOLMD provided me with a space to process some of it in a way I couldn’t at home, as well as people to be there for me and just listen.

I also felt so blessed with such an amazing group where everyone was so open and vulnerable from the beginning that it was easy for me to be open as well and really come to know and love each member. I really appreciated having the older women who were wise and loving yet didn’t make us younger ones feel inexperienced or out of place, as well as someone in my age group to relate to and be able to walk with.

Our leader Gina also set such a good tone for our group with the right balance of firm but gentle, doing what needed to be done while also being lenient, understanding, and fun. She was also so great at respecting everyone’s time and not overdoing anything, as well as genuinely caring for each member and their individual needs. I’ve loved getting to know more women in the church I didn’t know well before overall and believe each member really contributed to creating this wonderful group dynamic that I’m so grateful for with my first year of LOLMD.

The amount of readings and preparation required for each week could definitely get tiring but I feel that this level of investment from each member is what allowed us to have more thoughtful and meaningful conversations during our meetings. The accountability and reminders that came with doing prayer or devotionals together were also great and I think I was able to be more invested in doing them knowing my group members were doing the same, wondering how they were doing and what thoughts they were having.

Many of the topics we went over weren’t completely new to me but the learnings provided me with a much more robust foundation, as well as pushed me to think deeper about how certain theology or biblical worldviews apply to different parts of my life. I wasn’t able to fully digest all of the content and still don’t have the best answers to all questions about my faith yet but I feel more comfortable in knowing where in the Bible or what other resources I can go back to when I need it.

My childhood friends who don’t know Jesus yet have been weighing much more heavily on my heart in recent years and though I’m still nervous when sharing about my faith with them, there are a few more topics now that I’m looking forward to being able to discuss with them someday than before.

Beyond just gaining more knowledge about God and faith, I feel that this past year with LOLMD has helped me more thoroughly process specific aspects of what I actually believe in and details of what it means to have all aspects of my life point back to Jesus. I can really see now how crucial it is for anyone who loves Jesus to take part in discipleship in order to really grow closer to him, but it’s unfortunately not always easy to come by and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have been able to partake in it with LOLMD this past year.

In Pursuit of Christ

by Amanda Kim Lowe

I grew up going to church up until high school. I went for primarily social aspects, but I did enjoy praising Him and going to bible studies with the youth group. From college to a few years ago, I strayed away from God experimenting in new age beliefs like Reiki and spirituality. I felt lost where I was trying to find ways of looking for answers. God’s way of leading me back to Him was to grace me with my son, Zack. That’s all I needed to finally open up my eyes to come back to His arms, and to be where I am today.

When I was asked to join LOLMD last year, I admit that I was a bit apprehensive, yet excited at the opportunity to learn and to grow as a Christian. I’m still a “baby Christian” - I’m building the tools and resources to help me become better knowledgeable in Christ. My goal is to continually develop and also strengthen my spiritual journey in God. I also want to teach others to learn about Christ and to set a good example to non-believers, my friends, and also to my family that Jesus is the way to everything in life.

Ending my first year of LOLMD has taught me a lot about myself, how to be a better wife, mother and servant to God. LOLMD has given me useful resources and tips to grow as a Christian and to continue my spiritual journey onward. I know I have grown in my journey and my goal is to resume the second and third years of LOLMD to become a wiser and stronger believer.

In the interim, I hope to pursue daily personal worship with God and to pray more. I will also continue to read the Bible frequently and to set some time aside to read books to educate myself on being a follower of Jesus Christ.

Praising with Scripture

by Jasmine Bajwa

Recently having been baptized in September 2022, the 22-23 Life on Life Missional Discipleship (LOLMD) year was vital in holding me accountable to study and apply myself to the word of God.

Prior to my first year of LOLMD, my bible study and prayer time lacked depth and direction. During that time, to me, studying the bible looked like flipping to a random section of the bible and praying that God led me to the right word for me, that day. While I’m faithful the good Lord knew what He was doing, on my part; I was not approaching the bible with the seriousness and reverence that it deserves.

The first most impactful nugget of wisdom I attained through LOLMD was learning and applying the PRAISE method to my worship, study, and prayer time. Before opening my bible, I learned to P pray first, then R read the selected text as given to me by the Lord through my prayers, followed by A ask interpretive questions to help me get to the facts of the Word, I interpret in context as to not take God’s word out of context to fit my own desires, S summarize my learnings to capture the main points I have read, and finally E engage with God in response to what I have read.

Approaching my worship, study, and prayer time this way completely transformed my conversations and relationship with God. Not only do I feel closer to Him as a result of applying the PRAISE method, but I have noticed that my knowledge of the bible has increased, to the point where I am able to paraphrase a limited amount of sections and verses to those in need of encouragement.

Another blessing given to me during my 2022-23 LOLMD year was the connection with the other women in my group. God worked through them to show me grace, love, support, encouragement, community, and most importantly accountability in applying myself to the word of the Lord.

To Serve

by Jae Lee

I decided to join a discipleship training group (LOLMD) this year as I felt it was necessary and time to start getting back to God. My God has always been gracious and good to me but I had been losing focus, turning my main focus on money and worldly things. I was only seeking personal luxury and comfort in life even in church and forgetting about serving others.

I cannot say that I have put in all my heart and effort in learning and building a relationship with God during LOLMD but I always felt this is better than nothing.

I reflected on myself many times during LOLMD and for sure I realized what should be my priority in life. I’m getting close to 50 and I want to live the rest of my life building a relationship with God. Yes, I will stumble and fall again here and there but I want to get back up and keep walking with God. God has forgiven my sin so I have no condemnation in my falls and sins, but keep wanting to grow in my relationship with God.

While I’m building a relationship with God, there has been another side benefit of building a relationship with my wife and kids. There’s a ways to go, but following Jesus Christ has definitely made me think and be self-aware of my selfishness, lack of love and care. Two heart verses (that’s how Pastor Yung refers to the memory verses) that hit me hard and that I really want to remember and practice for the rest of my life are “But the fruit of Spirit is, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” Galatians 5:22-23 and “But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43b-45.

I want to be like Christ and show His character for my family, for myself, and for my God, as I live with the power of the Holy Spirit, away from selfish flesh’s desire.

Give Thanks

by Sandy Han

One of the best ways that God has blessed me through the year with my LOLMD sisters was through consistency, something I had been struggling with after ten years of moving and/or having a baby each year. While I wasn’t sure about the time commitment at first, I eventually got used to carving out the time to focus on the weekly readings, questions, Bible memorization, and meeting time. I have realized that prioritizing Christian discipleship didn’t take away time from other things so much as actually enriched the rest of my life. Through LOLMD I was encouraged to not just learn things, but to think and pray through my own beliefs regarding God, church, marriage, parenting, neighbors, and society. How does knowing God’s thoughts translate into my prayers, my thoughts, my words, and my actions?

In particular I believe I was the most challenged in my attitude toward marriage and unbelievers. I am far from perfect, but a year out and I love my husband better because I better see that Jesus loves me and my husband. I started off the year confessing that I didn’t really know any non-Christians in the area. Nowadays I am more curious about those around me, whether Christian or not, and actually think about how I can get to know my neighbors and friends better because it’s part of Jesus’s mission.

I don’t think there was any specific teaching or revelation that changed me, but that it was the fruit of the weekly consistency of being in God’s Word and Spirit with my sisters-in-Christ. Our candid meetings included so many confessions which were always seasoned with grace, and covered with the promise of Jesus’s love for us through the gospel. Thank you to my leader Christy for loving Jesus and His promises in a deeply personal way, and being so eager for us to know Him better.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances”

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Stepping Out in Faith

by Chloe Lee

When I started Life on Life Missional Discipleship training (LOLMD), I had one goal for myself. I wanted to live a life where I walk with God moment by moment. I had been in Bible studies for a while, and noticed that I felt disconnected from God when they were over. I wanted to break free from the repetitive, double-minded life of going back to the world. As I grew in daily worship time little by little through the training I received from LOLMD, I have been asking and walking with God everyday and every moment.

As I live a life connected with Christ, there are a few things that have changed in me.

First, I have come to recognize that everyone is different. I realized that my biggest sin is difficulty in forgiving others; I found it hard to reconcile with those I have disappointed or let down. I want to recognize the differences between myself and others without judging them, to better understand that God has created each of us with His purpose and plan.

Second, I’ve started to take an interest in my neighbors and people around me. One of the reasons I lacked interest is probably because I used to make excuses about being too busy with life. As a result, I had a tendency to avoid forming deep relationships. Now, God has given me a heart that is gradually learning to think about other people’s spiritual state. Even if it’ small, I would be thrilled and grateful if my small care and prayer could give a glimmer of hope for salvation to others.

When I first came to Revive, I thought that I could worship here but continue studying the Bible with other Korean mothers. When I was first encouraged to join LOLMD, I thought that it would be impossible because even studying the Bible in English was a big challenge for me. I needed a really good reason why, and Pastor Yung and Christy convincingly persuaded me that LOLMD is about loving others like my fellow ladies in the church. At that point, it felt like I was disobeying God if I chose to come to this church and love God without knowing and loving the sisters and brothers sitting right next to me. So before LOLMD started, I told God “Since you started it, you take responsibility!” and asked the Holy Spirit to fill, guide, and lead me.

God has great love and care for each human being. It’s not that I made an effort to get closer to God, but rather, He has always been by my side. Going forward, I might continue to make numerous mistakes and commit sins, but I want to live my life as a slightly better daughter of God, receiving more and more attention from my Heavenly Father.

Identity in Christ

by SooSang Park

For a number of years now I have known—and shared among my brothers in my Life on Life Missional Discipleship (LOLMD) Journey Group—that I have a deep-seated desire to grasp after the worth of my manhood via my work. It is an idolatrous desire, a sin pattern that is deeply set in my heart. It’s common and normal as a sin pattern in men. I see it in Genesis 3, in the curse on Adam, and I have for years seen that dynamic in my own soul. Yet though I know this is what is going on in my heart, apparently this sinful desire is so deeply seated in me that I cannot seem to have a measure of serious victory over it. It is a sinful desire that I am constantly aware of and seek to put away, but generally I have felt mostly powerless over this deeply rooted desire. Regarding this sinful desire, in my life it has felt, as Luther said, “life is repentance.”

But in Year 4 of our LOLMD (2021-22) disciple-making movement at Revive, I sensed a turn starting in my heart. I perceived that my heart was gaining a real sense of liberation from this life-long sinful desire. This inner heart release from this broken desire was just starting, yet it was strange and wonderful. After I returned from my sabbatical in September 2022 and began Year 5 of LOLMD with my brothers, I shared that I felt remarkably free in my heart. I felt as if I was starting a new chapter of my life.

How did this come about? What caused this important change? To be honest, to this day I still do not truly know, but I do think it has to do with certain prayers in and through my own participation in LOLMD.

I cannot even remember exactly which lesson it was from, but in Year 2 in one of the Equipping sections the question asked:

How has the truth this week challenged your thinking about yourself?

Here is what I wrote down:

Made me think about the ways I my unintentionally assess other’s worth.

In light of this, I wrote down a prayer. It said this:

Put a seed into my mind & heart to be at ease in my heart over my talents, abilities, and work—to do them freely to serve, stop being that concerned how they may be perceived, but freely use my whole self & personality to serve & accomplish while trusting that God enjoys & delights in how He made & formed me—and is sanctifying me to be ever His enjoyment & delight.

Later I considered this prayer more important than usual, so I printed it and cut out this section and taped it next to my bathroom mirror in order for me to see it again repeatedly as I brushed my teeth. It would be a regular reminder to pray it again and trust that the Lord would answer it. As I taped it up by the bathroom mirror, I scribbled the date (3/27/20), and I also added the following next to the prayer:

Versus seeking validation / justification through work success and high esteem.

I did not want my work success to be where my heart found its validation. I did not want to trust in a form of works righteousness common to so many pastors: justification by ministry success and the high esteem of others in how perform as a pastor. Rather I wanted to have my heart resting on grace alone yet freely and gladly working hard to accomplish much for the Lord, to walk and live in His enjoyment and delight.

This was all being taped up in my bathroom during the pandemic while our county was locked down. And occasionally I would remember it and be reminded of it as I re-read this on my bathroom wall in later weeks and months. But mostly I forgot about it and went about my life in its usual busy-ness and intensity.

Then Year 4 came, 2021-22. What happened during that year? The training of our elder candidates wrapped up, and we went through a very deliberate and intentional process of presenting them to the congregation for confidence vote. It was a lot of hard, momentous, and often stressful work, but Revive was particularized in the Spring of 2022. While all that work was happening, I felt a strange dual sense in my soul. On the one hand, I was so grateful to the Lord, for it was obvious to me that He had carried us and done this work even though my performance in it was not as good as I had hoped it would be. On the other hand, I knew I could not give it more than I did because I was depleted in my soul and badly needed the sabbatical.

Healing is a strange thing. If you are wounded in your body, over time your body can be healing and mending, but you don’t feel it as it happens. What you notice is that what your broken limb could not do when hurting, it can begin to do again, and you can feel and see it slowly becoming able and strong. In this way the inward working of the Holy Spirit is a mysterious thing. You do not see it day to day nor do you feel it, at least not at first while it is happening. Perhaps sometimes it is sudden and astonishing in its change and effect, but for a deeply seated sinful desire, it did not feel this way. It was indeed quiet, but before the LOLMD Year 4 finished, I could tell something important was happening in me. I certainly did not achieve it. It just felt like a pure gift starting to emerge in my heart.

During my sabbatical, which was mostly spent in Korea, I gave myself permission to just turn it off. Most people do not know that pastors who love their church and people have a hard time turning ministry off. Your concerns and worries for your church and for your people and their hurts and struggles is a constant. You wake up with them. You go to bed with them. Even when your mind is on other things, those burdens and concerns are always there running in the back of your mind and in your heart. Sabbath means literally stop. Everyday I woke up inside of the stop. It was a form of obedience. If this was the gift of my sabbatical, I had to obey Jesus to stop. To do that for 4 months was life-giving.

When I came back to church in September 2023 and started Year 5, I told my brothers in my Journey Group that my heart had a new freedom. I did not have this constant treadmill inside of me of ministry performance as my work to accomplish to validate my worth. Instead It was quiet inside.

Years ago when Pastor Yung Kim and I first heard of Life on Life Missional Discipleship at Perimeter Church from the very pastor who had started this movement in his church. He said something which stood out and which I thought was beautiful and compelling. It was one, among many, reasons that I knew for sure that day that the Lord was giving this to us. Pastor Randy Pope said something like this as he spoke to a room full of pastors:

“You shouldn’t simply do LOLMD because your people need it. YOU need it, pastor. Doing this and discipling men has been tremendously good for me. I don’t even know how I would have grown in the Lord if I had not been doing this all these years.”

I love the Lord, and I love His Gospel. And I’m a Gospel-centered pastor and preacher. But I wondered if I would ever in my life be able to taste a measure of serious victory over this deep-seated, sinful heart desire. I can’t exactly tell you how He did it, but somewhere in and through LOLMD, prayers in it, my brothers receiving my confessions, and the gift of my sabbatical, I believe the Holy Spirit did this work in my heart.

Hope in the Gospel

by Gina Har

Lord, would you give me opportunities to meet non-believers? Would you grant me with your wisdom and courage to talk about the gospel?”

This has been my prayer this year in discipleship training (LOLMD) because I desire to live a life to share the Good News of Jesus Christ. Although I have been blessed with so many good Christians throughout my life, I’ve had this burden in my heart that I don’t actively reach out to non-believers.

One day, I had a vivid dream about my father-in-law, who has passed away, inviting his older brother Wohn to heaven. I started to pray with my husband John for his uncle Wohn and aunt Soo’s salvation. One day in March, uncle Wohn was suddenly hospitalized at Stanford Hospital, so aunt Soo stayed overnight at our place. She was afraid about losing her husband, and her extreme fear led us to talk about eternal life with God in heaven. After she returned to her home, I called her to check how she was doing. I offered her a prayer, and she said yes. While we were praying, I also asked her if she wanted to accept Christ as her savior, and she agreed to repeat after my prayer.

“Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior.” And in Jesus’ name we prayed, Amen!

Hallelujah! God is truly amazing that he loves to answer our prayers and wants to save everyone whom He has created; He is “God, our Savior who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” - 1 Timothy 2:3B-4.

The next day, aunt Soo said she felt less anxious and became peaceful, and a few days later, her husband was discharged from the hospital. I hope and pray that uncle Wohn will also accept Christ’s calling soon, for God promised, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household” - Acts 16:31.

Perfect Provisions

by John Har

Jehovah Jireh - The Lord, my Provider

June - July, 2021

I start reading George Müller’s autobiography, a 19th century German believer who trusted God to provide all financial and material needs, even for the orphanages and missional work that he led. He never raised funds or revealed the financial needs to people; he just asked God to provide exactly what is needed. God sent people at the right times.

George Müller said this is not something he expects or asks other believers to do; we should not do this to prove our faith. But he did it out of a conviction (from God) to testify to His goodness.

I am inspired and challenged to reassess my faith in God’s willingness, ability, and reliability to provide. Can I trust that He will provide at the right time, even if the bank account is completely empty, just like George Müller experienced often? Can I rejoice like He did every time God came through?

March - September, 2022

After taking a break from the corporate world and exploring options, I decide to become an independent consultant. This means no steady paycheck, but consulting promises the work/life balance that I need. I start by subcontracting to a marketing consulting firm, and this slowly builds up to about 20 hours a week of work. It doesn’t provide the income that we need, so we burn through our savings. I have peace in my head that God will provide, but admittedly, I still stress in my heart (and give Gina stress) as I watch our savings dwindle. We have a few months worth in the bank. I continue to pray for God to provide.

In September, Gina and I receive a special gift from family to help us out. Thank you, God, as this covers us for another month.

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

I meet with Mia, a prayer warrior, to pray for me. She prays and listens to God. Then she asks me, “What are you most afraid of?”

I don’t think of myself as fearful, so I had to stop and reflect. “I’m afraid of being broke and financially poor.” I know God’s promises to provide, but I don’t know that He would if I’m not working.

She nods her head. “Yes, God says that is your greatest fear.” She tells me He will provide and recounts stories from her life where He did. I hear it in my head, but my heart is still unsure.

November, 2022

Our checking accounts are just a few thousand dollars, and I try not to touch our savings which are down to a few weeks’ worth. I keep praying for God to provide, believing in my head but checking my accounts and forecasting our cash flow frequently.

God does provide one thing: a part-time contract for five months at 20 hours a week. This is more stability than I’ve had so far. Praise God.

Thursday, December 1, 2022

One of the principal consultants at the firm has to step away for personal reasons. I ask God, “Is this how you are providing for me, to become a principal?” Part of me wants to become a principal because it potentially pays better but also because I think I can apply more of my entrepreneurial interests and skills.

That night, I mention to Gina that one of the principals has to leave.

“Oh, is this how God is providing for us?” she responded. I smiled and chuckled as I sensed God affirming this as a promise. But I decided to wait for God to open the door instead of me proactively asking the firm, to test and make sure this is His will and not mine.

Late December - Thursday, January 5, 2023

The owner of the firm reaches out to me to ask if I’d be interested in becoming a principal. I know now God is opening this door. It turns out that the principal role doesn’t really provide significantly more income, and I still need to work more hours to make the income we need. I continue to pray for a week, asking God if I should take this role. I eventually have peace that this is not God’s final answer to our needs, but it is a step in His plans. So, I agree to become a principal.

March, 2023

Work is stable with the part-time contract, but I’m still not working enough hours and earning enough. I look at the numbers, and it’s clear - we will be bankrupt in April and default on mortgages and taxes. How will I cover it?

I desperately ask God to provide. “You know it’s now or never.”

Thursday, March 23, 2023

I had always thought that God, like a clockmaker, set the world in motion during creation and thus didn’t do anything in the world except to intervene on rare occasions. This shaped my understanding of God’s provision as: (1) God gives me the ability to work; (2) the primary means of provision is for me to work well, as evidenced by the good favor of God and men; (3) God intervene with miracles, if absolutely needed, like a bail out (which I kind of imagine Him doing begrudgingly). Thus, it’s all on me to work and God to cover.

So, I’m surprised to learn in our LOLMD unit this week that God sustains all things (Psalm 145). This means that (1) God is actively working to sustain us and the world now, all the time; (2) it’s God that provides all income out of his providence and not as a result of how well I work; (3) miracles are simply His choice to sustain us in a supernatural way as opposed to seemingly more natural ways. Thus, it’s all on God to provide all the time and me to trust Him.

I know this is an important change in my worldview, but I’m still processing this.

I ask my LOLMD brothers to pray that I get more work. It’s quite serious now. April is just a week away.

Tuesday, May 28, 2023

Woah. Just a few days after the prayer request, another principal consultant has to step away suddenly. We redistribute her projects, and some other projects come in for me. I send this to my LOLMD brothers:

Honestly, this is like whiplash going from 20 hours/week to 40 hours/week. I’m very thankful and praising God, though. I realize I need to be careful about what I pray for. I should have asked the brothers to pray for more money, not more work.

Sunday, April 2, 2023

Pastor Kiem Le, our guest speaker, asks a question during his sermon, “what is your security?”

“It’s God,” I say to myself, confidently.

Then God speaks gently as He always does, with no condemnation: “But you don’t act and talk like it. You keep saying ‘I provide for my family,’ while you ask me to provide. You still believe you are Provider.”

Ouch. But it finally makes sense why I still stress about the numbers. I feel like God is releasing me now from this brokenness. I decide to never say “I provide for my family” and to stop fretting over whether the numbers will work out. Trust Him. (Only in retrospect do I realize He started preparing me to hear this message through the Psalm 145 passage.)

Thursday, April 6, 2023

I’ve been wrestling for decades with the promises of God to bless (e.g. Joshua 1:8). I want to believe these promises to bless abundantly in all ways, but I doubt that He will particularly in material riches. Our charismatic brothers and sisters in Christ have no problems believing in and asking for material blessings.

This week, I think God revealed something important. My doubt comes from verses in the New Testament that speak against the rich and the love of money and (instead) command us to be content with what you have. This is seemingly in contrast to the Old Testament. But I know that the New Testament does not negate the Old Testament promises of God. So I know this is something I need to grow in, to believe that His provision is even in material abundance (and not just the bare minimum).

Sunday, April 9, 2023

God’s not wasting time to speak to me on this. God does not condemn wealth.

In the LOLMD teaching: And then this passage in the unit:

“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.” 1 Timothy 6:17-19

God is a generous God. And He wants to bless materially so we can practice radical generosity in His image.

Monday, April 10, 2023

I just learn from my CPA that, due to the flooding in California, all returns can be postponed until October. God provides a breather. I won’t default on my mortgage and taxes!

Friday, April 21, 2023

I shared last night at LOLMD about my struggles to believe God will provide beyond the basic needs to enjoy (as I mentioned on April 9). My brothers spoke into my life, encouraging me to receive joyfully and give thanks for the material blessings. (Even though I learned this truth on April 9th, it didn’t sink in until last night.)

Then, God gives me this today:

(In hindsight, I see that God ordained our LOLMD to be postponed a week to time perfectly with this verse of the day. Praise God!)

Friday, May 5, 2023

God beat me to it; I didn’t even ask for this one!

Saturday, May 13, 2023

I thought this testimony was going to be just a couple paragraphs about the last two months. But as I sat to write, God reminded me of how He started weaving this redemptive work from June 2021. (It was even centuries before if you think about how He moved George Müller to do what he did!) How we forgot so much unless we write down our testimonies.

While I’m no George Müller, I feel like I’m finally learning to be content with nothing, even an empty bank account, but resting peacefully in God’s faithfulness to provide like He promises in Matthew 6:33. I’m still learning to apply this trust consistently, but I know God has changed me.

My greatest fear was to be poor and broke.

My greatest confidence now is knowing God as Jehovah Jireh, the Lord my provider, in all things, in all ways, all the time.

Power of Prayer

by Damon Moon

In the summer of 2019, my LOLMD discipleship training group embarked on a journey to pray for various people groups in the Bay Area. We had carefully planned each location to represent a different group of people and immerse ourselves in their environments. We visited homeless encampments in San Jose to pray for the homeless, the SFO to pray for immigrants, and Castro street in San Francisco to pray for those struggling with sexual identity. It was a meaningful opportunity to pray for the lost while spending quality time with my brothers.

Recently, we celebrated the end of the year by focusing on the South Bay. We visited different locations, including Planned Parenthood to pray for babies being aborted, Nextdoor Solutions to pray for victims of domestic violence, SJSU to pray for college students, an LGBTQ youth center, the San Jose Police Department, Andreesen Horowitz for the investor community, Facebook for the direction and influence of technology, and the sanity of its workers. It was a powerful time of prayer, seeing with spiritual eyes.

As we divided into groups to lead prayers for each location, I found myself assigned to the topic of homelessness. While driving to pick up my friend Pourio, I noticed a Veteran’s Office, and a few yards later, a homeless veteran with a sign for help. I introduced myself, asked for his name, and gave him something to help.

Though I had visited homeless encampments before, I felt scared this time as I approached the location. Working at San Jose State University, I knew the area was not safe, especially with people on drugs screaming and running with anger. I contemplated turning back but felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit to read Matthew 25, the verse I had prepared.

35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ - Matthew 25:35-40

These verses reminded me that as we help the least of these, we are serving Jesus. Encouraged, we carefully entered the encampment through cut-open steel fences at the back of the city parking lot. We introduced ourselves and explained that we wanted to come and pray for them. To our surprise, they welcomed us. We asked for their names and if there was anything we could pray for.

As we offered them chips and chocolates, we engaged in conversations with them and prayed for their needs. Every single person we met was friendly and at peace. When I asked if they believed in Jesus, they all said yes.

I particularly remember a gentleman named Jesse, the most talkative homeless person I met. He shared stories about his exercise routines and how other church organizations came to distribute supplies and food. He even arranged a process where he cleans up the area, so that the city can come pick up the garbage bags. When we asked him for prayer requests, he asked that we pray for others in the encampment. He was content with what he had and had a heart to care for others around him. We prayed for him and his neighbors. It was a humbling experience that reminded me that serving those in need is serving Jesus himself.

Power of Prayer

When I started teaching at San Jose State University, everything was from my bedroom. I taught on Zoom and I didn’t have to go into the office. In 2021, the school started opening up and I was given a shared office space at the university.

What I thought was strange was that no other faculty members were coming on campus. I know they were teaching, but I hardly saw them. If the teaching schedules don’t overlap at the same time, I won’t even have the opportunity to bump into them on the elevator.

The experience was very isolating and lonely. We do have department meetings, but they were very far apart.

One day, I wanted to see if there was a Christian faculty group. I searched on the web, but couldn’t find it. I then stumbled upon a group called TeachersWhoPray. It is similar to MomsWhoPray, but for teachers. It was a weekly Zoom call on Mondays with other K-12 teachers around the country. After connecting with the president of the group, I heard that there could be a campus ministry for faculty members called Faculty Commons from Cru. I found the contact information and emailed the leader and joined the Zoom call.

Since then, we met many times in person, hosted BBQs, had prayer walks, and had lunch together regularly. One thing that I felt led to do this semester is to launch prayer groups. Just like the intercessory prayer groups we have at church from 2pm on Sundays, I wanted to have a short intercessory prayer for the school, students, and faculty at San Jose

State. I took the prayer template we had and tweaked it for the school context.

It was like an oasis this semester. Praying with other followers for the school, students, and faculty for 30 minutes on Zoom help me be reminded of His love, and reorient my heart for His calling on campus. We also built friendships as we prayed together on a weekly basis and checked up on them. I probably spent the most amount of time throughout the semester with that faculty Christian group.

Joy in Serving

by Yohan Lee

New life in Christ, that’s what this year has been like for me. Starting with a new role as an Elder this past year, God has worked to change me very quickly this past year. One has been an increased love of Bible commentary to share with others and enrich my own meditation on The Bible. Growing up in the church, there are many passages one reads multiple times over the years. But the evidence of The Holy Bible being the living word of our living God is how the same passage can make a wholly new impact that perfectly fits the latest situation in life for that very moment. The end result has been a greater love and appreciation of reading the Bible just for fun, or for an unmet hunger, or an unresolved angst, frustration, or joy. I have literally felt more peace, satisfaction, or courage and hope; despite whatever issue has popped up in life.

Pastor Yung shared with me how valuable it is to read the Bible in big chunks every day to get a strong diet of spiritual nourishment on top of daily devotions. The effect was imperceptible at first. Then it became the best way for me to enjoy God before important days. Then it became one of the nicest ways to end the day as the last thing before going to bed. I used to read the news before going to bed. But there were countless days I would awake either tired or frustrated or heavy with the shenanigans of the world. And then suddenly, I would wake up with hymn or joyful expectation with the hope of a new morning. You can’t buy that. You can’t earn that. It’s the greatest gift, and yet it is free to those who call Jesus our Savior.

The other has been joy in serving. Being an elder has been a license to care. Ministry used to feel like a mysterious activity that Holy people did. But instead, it has become one of the most joyful and fulfilling aspects of walking this earth. Is there gravity and a certain sobriety that comes with the role? Absolutely. But there is glory, a substantive weight of something Holy and undefinable and also unmistakable when ministering to our church. I believe it has been the Holy Spirit emboldening me to ask and share about Jesus to random strangers, Lyft drivers, antagonistic people, bankers, students, and folks in line at the airport. I always knew the world was fallen and hurting. But looking people in the eyes, drinking in the state of their hearts, and engaging humbly has elicited unexpected

and undeserved openness, melting, and sharing that I didn’t think was still present in the world. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, it’s what the early church encountered and did to change the world for Christ. So here I am Lord. Trying to be ready for you at a moment’s notice. Thank you for drawing me closer, building me up, protecting me forwards, backwards, above, and below. May I run the race well alongside you.