Letter from the Editor
by Pastor Yung Kim
2020... Each summer, high school graduates all around the nation think up clever catchphrases to celebrate their year of graduation. For the graduates of 2020, a popular theme was some variation of “2020, perfect vision for a bright future”.
Well, unfortunately, 2020 hasn’t been so bright. Frankly it’s been kind of dark and full of crises. And this has led people to ask many important questions, including big questions about life and our world.
The first disciples of Jesus had the following conversation which started with such a question:
“Tell us, when will these things be, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?” And Jesus answered them, “See that no one leads you astray. For many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and they will lead many astray. And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not alarmed, for this must take place, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are but the beginning of the birth pains."
Matthew 24:3-8
Having seen our fair share of pains, crises, and conflicts in 2020, these have prompted people from all around the world, who despite coming from different nations, speaking different languages, are asking the same questions. The underlying question is “Is there some hope?”. The good news is that there’s an ultimate answer for these important questions, and the answer does not lie in a policy or an idea or a philosophy. Those are too flat and mono-dimensional to sufficiently answer our complex and existential needs.
Rather, the answer is something as complex and tangible as we would expect a sufficient answer to be: A real person. A real person is what will provide the necessary wisdom, holiness, and leadership that the nations need to permanently light up the darkness around us, and that person is Jesus Christ, the Son and Lamb of God.
And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. They will bring into it the glory and the honor of the nations. But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb's book of life.
Revelation 21:23-27
The dark things we’ve seen this year remind us of the darkness which has plagued us throughout human history. Which is why the Lamb of God, Jesus Christ, laid down His life to wash away our sin and darkness and to give “the nations...and the kings of the earth” His light by which we are all invited to walk together with resurrected glory and honor with our Father. All we need to do is trust Him. The true stories that you’re about to encounter in this booklet are a testimony of that living Light, Jesus Christ. I and all those who testified here hope and pray that each person who reads these true stories will be blessed with a redeemed “20/20” vision to see Christ, the answer and the bright future that humanity has been searching for all along.
Pastor Yung J. Kim
Growing in Empathy
by Andy Yang
Ever since having my first child six years ago, I became increasingly aware of a number of huge deficiencies and inadequacies as a father. My children, unfortunately, have had to deal with a father who has a strong tendency and disposition to be unreasonable, harsh, intolerant, and without empathy, and all that without much remorse or regret. By God's grace there's been improvement over the years... much too slowly (you can ask my wife), but thankfully in the right direction. I've thought a lot about these issues over the years, about the underlying causes, my upbringing, environment, nature, etc., which were helpful. And for the last couple years, I've continued to make some progress, with no "new" discoveries about myself or this issue regarding these deficiencies. Same old issue, same old need to change.
But, surprisingly, there was a new and helpful perspective that was recently presented to me in the unit "Your Home as a Hospital." This unit had a number of statements that showed me with such clarity a vast chasm in my parenting.
Statements like...
"It's up to parents to create an environment where children feel they can bring their hurts, discouragement and broken hearts to find a healer's touch."
"Children need parents who communicate understanding about their pain and readiness to meet their emotional need."
"...it is vitally important that you be available for them. This means you must be emotionally accessible to your children."
Did I want these things? Did I want my children to be able to communicate their pains and needs? Definitely. Could I expect this, given my trajectory? No, definitely not.
It was helpful just to be able to clearly see the end result of the way I was conducting my relationship with my kids. I was sowing seeds of no empathy, little mercy, and intolerance of emotional "weakness" ... and the fruit will be children who will never entrust their hearts to their father. Maybe they would trust my advice, my intentions, my desires, my decisions... but they would not be able to open up their hearts to me, even if they loved me dearly.
Already, it's been helpful. I've been opening up channels of communication on this emotional level, something I never had with my parents or brothers growing up. So, in a sense, it's a very new thing to me. But I thank God for showing this to me now, while my kids are young, open, malleable, and still very forgiving. I count it as a gift of grace, totally undeserved, from my generous and empathetic Father.
Planting the Seeds of Faith
by James Cho
Like me, one of my closest friends from college moved to the Bay Area after graduation. During college, I was not active in trying to share the Gospel with him - it was not the dynamic of our friendship, and I didn't think to do it at the time. But ever since we both relocated to California, that dynamic has changed in what seems like the blink of an eye.
My friend and I had each found separate housing arrangements for the first year and a half of our time in California, but then COVID-19 arrived shortly after his apartment lease ended, making it difficult for him to find a new one. I invited him to crash on the couch at my apartment indefinitely, and my roommate graciously allowed it.
The reason that I'm so grateful to God for this experience is that it gave both myself and my roommate not just one opportunity, but daily opportunities, to shine the light of Jesus' name to his nonbelieving soul. Whatever the form, whether it be streaming a Sunday worship service in the living room where the couch is, praying before eating together, or even just laughing together while hanging out, I'm grateful for this circumstance that Jesus has given my roommate and me, as Jesus' disciples, to practice what Jesus preached.
Even if my friend doesn't come to know Jesus tomorrow, next year, or even in the next 10 years, I'm grateful that my roommate and I could organically plant little seeds and memories of Jesus' love into my friend's mind that may someday sprout into a genuine understanding and acceptance of the Gospel.
He is for Me
by Grace Park
This year the Lord continues to have me exercise my faith muscle. As I attempt to follow Jesus in my life, I am too often filled with a lot of fear, fear that I am alone with only my inadequacies and all of the mistakes that I might make along the way. If you ask me, I will tell you that I know and believe that He is with me and that He loves me and loves me unconditionally. I also know of His power. He is the Creator of all, parting seas, healing the lame, and making the blind to see. Somehow even as I believe, I also disbelieve that God’s power will be there for me. Often, I allow my fear to be big, and in doing so, I realize that I am making God so small. I am thankful for the Gospel waltz and how it guides me into repentance, repentance of not seeing God as He really is for me. I remember all the moments that I sensed Him walking with me despite hard circumstances, such as when my father passed away suddenly. And for the moments when I can’t see or feel Him, I am asking Him to give me faith so that I can take Him at His Word.
Thank You Lord for My Sisters
by Anna Lee
It is summer 2019 and someone is calling --
A friend and sister
offering to share life on life
through missional discipleship
What does this look like Lord?
Perhaps you are asking me to slow down, breathe deeply
Taking in your grace filled life and promises
To exhale freely in joy and obedience
Despite the busyness and distractions
You allow time to somehow be carved
Like a road ahead and forged together
With new sisters unknown, unexpected and unique
The first step we take looks backwards
Remembering life apart from You
Some going decades past
Recalling early joys, strivings, darkness, and light
We listen carefully and closely
Though we are all unique
Christ is the center of the story
And we are reminded of His truths
Each sister is a new creation, salvation by faith alone
In a sovereign, almighty, all-knowing, and perfect God
Our hearts are moving toward you
With our feet on solid ground
Layers of new truths are revealed
Our identity in Him
Imprinted with His everlasting glory
His Word more deeply engraved than before
Seeking your will through scripture
With inadequate attempts to recall verses in perfect memory
Wondrously, your words have been written on our hearts
Challenged to daily prayer
I questioned whether 21 days was possible
Though I missed a few, it was an important challenge and goal to reach
Revealing how I need you and your wisdom always
You opened my eyes to say have courage and do not fear
I thought because I was a new creation, I shouldn’t look back
Instead you give me courage to trust and go deeper so that all of my failings
can be redeemed
Past present and future
Thank you Lord for my sisters
For their faithfulness, honesty, encouragement, and love
It has been an honor to share this discipleship road together.
Thank you also to my husband for his ceaseless love and support.
God's Faithfulness in the Midst of My Fear
by Jenny Lee
It wasn't an easy decision to join LOLMD and I was excited to be closer to God but scared at the same time because sharing my life and being vulnerable isn't something I was looking forward to. I was tested, challenged and confronted by my fears, pride and anxiety at times and struggled between running towards God and away from him whenever I faced them. However, I never regret that decision because God has been faithful and showed me how much he loved me through personal worship time and fellowship with my dear sisters. I still struggle with my fear and anxiety but knowing that I am deeply loved by my savior Jesus Christ, and my heavenly Father not because anything that I have done but because that's who He is gives me peace that no one else can give.
God has a Plan
by Kathy Xia
Right now, there's a lot of uncertainty and what feels like hopelessness in our circumstances as we read reports or even experience the death count from covid-19, the reality of job losses, rising racism and the list just goes on.
But I wanted to share something that God has been teaching me this past year, which is that no matter what happens, whether it's what I expected to happen or not, according to my plans and what I thought would be best or not, God has a plan and He can redeem our suffering.
A few months ago, I was at what I would say was definitely one of the lows of my life where things were really tough at work with coworkers and management, which led me to struggle a lot with my self-worth and anxiety. There was a lot of anger and resentment and though I tried different ways of trying to get up from underneath all of this. I felt like I was getting crushed by it.
But God really used that time to reveal a lot of things to me. At first I was so ashamed and afraid to share about my experiences, but then God showed me the comfort and love in truth when I opened up and started sharing with my LOLMD and GLF. He taught me that He had plans for me despite this season and what was going on, that this suffering wasn't all he had in store for me. Furthermore, though I had been hurt by others, God was able to use that hurt to bring to light different idols in my heart that I was holding on tightly to such as placing my worth in other people's approval of me or seeking my own glory. Lastly, the hardest but maybe the most freeing thing I was able to and still am learning is about forgiveness. What does it really mean to forgive, why do we have to forgive, and how we're able to forgive when others give us absolutely no reason to?
A passage that I held onto during this time was Psalm 27, which ends with "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." I wait upon God because at the end of the day, He is my strength, He is my hope, and He is my victory.
Witnessing Faith
by Yung Kim
One of the ways that God blessed me in my discipleship this year was that I got to witness my discipleship brothers develop in their discipleship, and as a result of that process, I was fortunate enough to experience them living out the 2nd Greatest Commandment: “love your neighbor as yourself”.
One day during the shelter in place, I received a text from one of my LOLMD brothers, and he told me that he was swinging by because he had a delivery for me. Truth be told, it was good just to be able to see someone new during this shelter in place, but the blessing was just beginning. So I walked outside, and it turns out he had brought a birthday gift for me on behalf of my discipleship group. Throughout the past year our discipleship group had been celebrating each other’s’ birthdays by taking the birthdayguy out for dinner and celebrating him. My birthday happened to come during the Shelter in Place, and in the midst of the chaos of adjusting work schedules, kids’ school schedules, divvying up crowded spaces, and keeping up with the Covid news cycles, celebrating my birthday with my discipleship group was not on my mind.
The gift itself was a real blessing for me and my family. But in addition to that, I was also truly blessed by the thoughtfulness of my brothers to take their time and effort out of their own busy lives and to do this very personal thing for me in the midst of a global pandemic. Through their thoughtfulness, I could honestly feel their love. I could feel God’s love. I was humbled by their love, and it filled me with gratitude and a sense of God’s grace upon my life through the love of my brothers. We all know about the 2nd Greatest Commandment, and through discipleship, I got to experience it, and through my brothers God reminded me that He remembers me, even when I sometimes don’t. I don’t deserve this grace. It’s truly amazing and humbling and inspires me to share with others.
Witnessing my discipleship group practicing their faith in such a pure and simple way gives me great encouragement. The discipleship movement that Jesus started 2000 years ago with the original 12 disciples is taking place right here at REVIVE Church. This is just one of the blessings that our good and gracious God has given to me through discipleship this year.
Hope and Joy in Christ
by Gina Har
We are the Laugh Out Loud Members of Discipleship.
One day, my youngest kid Christopher asked me right before one of our virtual LOLMD meetings, “Are you going to laugh a lot today too?”
“Yes,” I responded with a smile. And we did.
Because each time we come together to share our lives, we just can’t help but overflow with giggling joy — not because everything is good or perfect but because God’s grace and mercy always shows through our mistakes and sins in unexpected but perfect ways! In the 2 hours that fly by like 20 minutes, we journey through the “LOLMD” elements of our daily sanctification together:
• Letting go of control over our lives by trusting the Lord our God through daily personal worship time.
• Opening our hearts to each other vulnerably, knowing that we will be embraced no matter what we share.
• Listening to the Holy Spirit’s “still small voice” (1 King 19:12) in our earnest prayers for each other and people around us.
• Making unforgettable memories, whether shedding tears with one another during our one-day group retreat or tasting yummy food at a cooking class.
• Devoting our hearts to being better disciples each day by caring for others with the love of Jesus.
Throughout the year, we grow stronger in our walks, not just with each other but also with Jesus. Together, we sustain our hope and joy in Christ, knowing that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom he has called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). So, how can we not LOL?
Asking for Forgiveness
by Christy Kim
One of the things that our Discipleship group was deeply challenged about was the unit on Parenting. God was challenging me to be a healer of our kids, a home as a hospital, a place where our children would find rest and refuge. Wow.
When our kids were very little, Yung and I would frequently get on our knees and ask the Lord to forgive us for the way we may have failed our kids in our parenting. And we would often pray “Lord please forgive us, and we pray we did not wound their young hearts beyond Your repair.”
As we entered 2020, my heart was aching at the prospect of having Jeremiah leave for college in the fall and Karis planning to study abroad the following year. I knew our family would never be the same. My heart longed to turn back time and wished to parent them in this version, the older version, a little more patient and mature version. How I wished we could love them more and be an agent of healing rather than pain from my sinfulness. I had many regrets and I would pray for God to be merciful and gracious despite all my mistakes, especially when it came to Karis and Jeremiah.
When the Shelter In Place order was called, there was fear and panic, but also thanksgiving. This time was a unique chance, a time God was giving us. The gift of time with our kids.
During this time, by God’s prompting and providence through LOLMD, I was able to ask Karis and Jeremiah once again for their forgiveness. We were able to reconcile and receive forgiveness, and they gave it to us with grace and maturity. Isn’t our God great?! Only our great God could orchestrate this kind of setting, where parents can ask for forgiveness of the past and where Christ’s love would open our children’s hearts to forgive and heal. We had many nights of worship and reconciliation together during this time. I will never forget these past few months. I will hold them dear to my heart for the rest of my life as the Lord used discipleship to help me make our home a refuge for my precious children.
Thank You
by Nancy Kim
For the last 2 years in LOLMD, I got to walk through some amazing and hard times with some wonderful sisters in Christ. When I started, I was really excited to see what I could get out of this. Who doesn’t want to be challenged and grow? Looking back, it was all very selfish reasons. I didn’t think much of how I could love my sisters or support them in their own walks.
My highlight this year was learning to receive help and learning to walk in the lives of these wonderful sisters. Marrying a pastor brings a lot of expectations as being “the pastor’s wife”. There is an expectation of being godlier and knowing more. You go from being a church goer to being someone holier. Honestly, I’m just like any person. I had normal desires, like wanting a stable and secure life. A desire for a baby and to grow a family. Loving people is hard, it takes a lot of work, and in the end, they can still hurt you. I was warned before I got married someone in ministry, how ministry hurts. How people in church will hurt you. It honestly scared me. I was wary of when that day will come to me. Sure, I love to serve, help with events, clean, and do busy work. But being a missionary to my work, neighbors, and others? Really getting into the trenches of relationships sounded like a lot of work. Plus, they can hurt you! No thank you, I was comfortable with how my life was. This year God pushed me to a whole new level of deepness in our group that I never experience with a group of sisters before. Sure, I gone to small groups since college. Sure, we share prayer request and had some deep one on one from time to time. But to daily walk with the same group of people weekly for 2 years? There is something more God had to teach me through this. Loving people is hard, but there is also great fruit in persevering together. I never knew others could feel my hurts and pain while dealing with infertile for almost 3 years. These sisters cried out to God with me and even started a fasting train with others at church for our baby. In something so painfully and lonely, I lost hope. I was afraid to ask God for a baby at this point because “no” hurt too much. But they said they would hope for me.
When I went through doctors visit, test, etc. they were there with me. In February, when God answered our prayer and I found out I was pregnant, they shared in my joy. We were able to praise God together. I felt like this baby was a part of them too. I learned how letting people in, was another way God loves me. He put people in my life to persevere for me when I could no longer do it. They hope for me when I could no longer pray to God. By learning to let people into my life and heart struggles, I was also blessed to learn to walk a long side these ladies’ life. I won’t share the details of their struggle and joy, but it has been such a privilege to walk with them in some of their deepest darkness and to cry out to God together. It also has been so much joy to share in their answered prayers and ups in life. I feel like God taught me to not be afraid to love and get into the messiness of people’s lives because He is already there in it. And He may just want to use you and me to show His love through it. “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.” Matthew 18:20
Being More Christ-like
by Sally Yang
One of the biggest blessings of LOLMD this year was learning to be desperate before God in prayer. It was such a difficult year for many people around me. Seeing others suffer brought me to pray to God in desperation and faith. I am so grateful for many who shared their sufferings and struggles with me so that I could join them in praying to and pleading with God and rejoicing when He answered.
Another blessing of LOLMD was being convicted by God to be a godlier wife. Completing the marriage lessons and discussing our own marriages with my group helped me to see how I am falling short of God’s calling for me as a wife. I realized I had been comparing myself and my marriage to the world, and not to His Word - His standard - His desire. I thought I was doing a good job being a kind, submissive, and honoring wife compared to my own perceived “Christian” standard of a wife that I was taking in from the culture around me. After reflecting, praying, and talking to my husband, I also realized that for many years I felt alone and discouraged in pursuing being a biblically godly wife and settled for what I thought was “above the curve.” I now realize I needed (and need) more encouragement from God, my husband, and others to pursue this high calling and not be discouraged and influenced by what I see and experience around me. It *is* hard being the kind of wife GOD calls me to be! But He renewed in me the desire to pursue what HE wants and what HE gives me the power to do. I am encouraged because being the kind of wife He wants me to be is not just for the sake of being a good wife, or so that I can have a healthy marriage, but is a part of His gracious plan of making me beautiful and holy like Jesus.